I went to the bushveld for three weeks, and in my amazing fruitless travels a warthog came to visit me daily.
She was cute, alone, and extremely intimidating. I sat with her one day, talking about a certain obsessive someone that isn't me and found that we were very alike. She would come to me, expecting something (usually food) similarly to me. I always go somewhere expecting something... Why else would I go somewhere? And after she got what she came for she would either hang around waiting for more or leave when she is satisfied. In her greediness, she also tried to eat the chair, a leaf, and my car keyes. Trying to ex ploit me and get all that she could out of me. Bloodsucker. She storms and snorts at a victim to protect herself or scare her apponents off, even if it is the hand that feeds her.
Solitude isn't something that I envy, but I do adore it sometimes, all I need to work on is controlling my emotions that so many times have burnt bridges. I also need to start saying what I think.
Crisis strikes again.
There's a guy that wants to marry me, after only starting to know me for about a month now. After a week of meeting him, I got an "I love you", a week after that "I miss you" (I was in the bush for three weeks), the third week "you would fit in perfectly with my family" and then last week "I printed a photo of you and hung it in my room".
What's wrong with that you might ask?
You're shitting me right?
So, after warning him when we met that I was going to break his heart and hurt him, he fell into this obsessed, non-existant, love pond head over heels followed by the rest of his body (which makes me hurl in my mouth a bit everytime I see, hear or think of him) followed by his whole family and all the vacations and dates we're going on... Apparently.
True love? Not a chance!
How do I tell him he's only going backwards in this "relationship"? Mmmmmmm, make him ROAR daddy!
Just need a time and place, I hate to do it, but I warned him.
And then we'll be "friends".
He'll give me gifts and when intoxicated ask why I don't like him and why it won't work. I'll laugh it off and leave the scene pretending that something interesting is going on, and to make a valid point, get a boyfriend who I don't care about, and kiss the living bleeps out of him infront of the obsessed rejected lover.
It's happened before and history is repeating itself. Same mash, different gravy.
Fun times lie ahead in these dark ages, wait and see, wait and see.
Strom and snort, with a big, bright smile on my face, works like magic.
Now, down to bussiness, I have four tests this week, finals...
Woopi!
That's what the three weeks were for, unfortunately I didn't study that much, not even half way.
Fingers crossed!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Zodiac - Aries
Aries is a Cardinal Fire sign, ruled by Mars. As the first sign in the zodiac, and corresponding with the first day of spring, the Aries individual is a mover and shaker, fearlessly forging ahead or "springing forth" into new territory. Indeed, some very influential historical characters are found under this sign including Thomas Jefferson (April 13) and Leonardo Da Vinci (April 15). The raw power of the Aries/Taurus cusp personality gone bad is epitomized by none other than Adolph Hitler (April 20).
The Aries personality is always a force to be reckoned with. These are curious and energetic individuals, always delving into new areas, but often quickly becoming bored and moving on, leaving unfinished projects in their wake. Arians are forthcoming and direct. They don't generally have hidden agendas or ulterior motives. If they find an area in which they are interested for a long period, they can become quite accomplished, well-known, and wealthy.
For those with an Aries child, you have a child with confidence and the innate resources to deal with new ideas and situations. This child is likely quite opinionated and is often territorial about possessions. This kid will tell you like it is according to their own inner truths, and will not feel bad about it later. These are the free birds of childhood, and they feel that they have the right to explore new territories unhindered, both physical and mental. Getting a child like this to follow the rules may be a challenge, but if they understand that the rule is for safety or other logical reasons, they are likely to agree and comply. Even when young, all Arians are very competitive and cannot stand it if they do not come out on top. This "me first" attitude will be evident throughout life, and they often get what they want simply because of this unshakable attitude. The Arian child is very active, jumping into action whenever something interests him, but when asked to do uninteresting mundane tasks like cleaning their room they will resort to procrastination and even lies to get out of doing this unappealing job. The Aries child will have problems in school occasionally, but their competitive nature will usually pull them through. They want more than anything to be Number One!
Adult Arians in the workplace do well if they find jobs in which they can work on their own terms. Many Arians are self-employed for this reason, and many others are managers and foremen. An Arian can function well under other people, however, as long as he has some authority over someone else too. The Army structure with its many levels seems well-suited to Arians, and politics are a natural for this sign. Occupations that involve driving and the open road are appealing to Aries, as are outside sales type occupations. Arians are intellectual more than spiritual, so you won't find too many in prominent religious or holistic capacities. Arians will not be happy at the bottom of the heap unless they feel that they are in charge of something or someone. An Arian will do well in a job situation with a big picture, with supporting cast to do the finishing work.
If you have found a romantic partner in an Aries, be prepared to take second seat. Although you will not lead the parade, your partner will go to any length to make sure your needs and desires are well taken care of. This is a double-edged sword that anyone contemplating a relationship with Aries should be aware of. If you are one that is content to be taken care of, this is your perfect match. Your partner will make it his or her mission to keep you happy. However, if you are not content to follow, explosive arguments will erupt and an unwinnable power struggle will ensue, leaving you both drained and unhappy.
The best matches for Aries for sure are Leo and Sagittarius, but Taurus, Gemini, Aquarius, and Pisces may work for some too, depending on the individuals. Aries may find themselves drawn to their polar opposite, Libra, but this is probably not the best match for them.
Aries in any relationship is magnetic and intense, and others are drawn to these qualities. The Aries individual prefers a strong partner and strong friends, but only those who are capable of giving the impression that Aries is in the lead. Aries will be a loyal friend as long as the relationship keeps evolving and they feel that it is of benefit, but if they become bored or the relationship becomes stale, they will assuredly get out. One who is in any relationship with an Aries should know when to push and when to back off and give the Aries some space. Aries likes a challenge but pushing too hard will drive him off. A sure-fire strategy with an Aries in any relationship capacity is to verbalize often that you find them smart and worthwhile, and that they are number one with you! Remember, with Aries, the by-words are "me first!"
Interesting fact: Adolf Hitler had the same Zodiac sign as me.
The Aries personality is always a force to be reckoned with. These are curious and energetic individuals, always delving into new areas, but often quickly becoming bored and moving on, leaving unfinished projects in their wake. Arians are forthcoming and direct. They don't generally have hidden agendas or ulterior motives. If they find an area in which they are interested for a long period, they can become quite accomplished, well-known, and wealthy.
For those with an Aries child, you have a child with confidence and the innate resources to deal with new ideas and situations. This child is likely quite opinionated and is often territorial about possessions. This kid will tell you like it is according to their own inner truths, and will not feel bad about it later. These are the free birds of childhood, and they feel that they have the right to explore new territories unhindered, both physical and mental. Getting a child like this to follow the rules may be a challenge, but if they understand that the rule is for safety or other logical reasons, they are likely to agree and comply. Even when young, all Arians are very competitive and cannot stand it if they do not come out on top. This "me first" attitude will be evident throughout life, and they often get what they want simply because of this unshakable attitude. The Arian child is very active, jumping into action whenever something interests him, but when asked to do uninteresting mundane tasks like cleaning their room they will resort to procrastination and even lies to get out of doing this unappealing job. The Aries child will have problems in school occasionally, but their competitive nature will usually pull them through. They want more than anything to be Number One!
Adult Arians in the workplace do well if they find jobs in which they can work on their own terms. Many Arians are self-employed for this reason, and many others are managers and foremen. An Arian can function well under other people, however, as long as he has some authority over someone else too. The Army structure with its many levels seems well-suited to Arians, and politics are a natural for this sign. Occupations that involve driving and the open road are appealing to Aries, as are outside sales type occupations. Arians are intellectual more than spiritual, so you won't find too many in prominent religious or holistic capacities. Arians will not be happy at the bottom of the heap unless they feel that they are in charge of something or someone. An Arian will do well in a job situation with a big picture, with supporting cast to do the finishing work.
If you have found a romantic partner in an Aries, be prepared to take second seat. Although you will not lead the parade, your partner will go to any length to make sure your needs and desires are well taken care of. This is a double-edged sword that anyone contemplating a relationship with Aries should be aware of. If you are one that is content to be taken care of, this is your perfect match. Your partner will make it his or her mission to keep you happy. However, if you are not content to follow, explosive arguments will erupt and an unwinnable power struggle will ensue, leaving you both drained and unhappy.
The best matches for Aries for sure are Leo and Sagittarius, but Taurus, Gemini, Aquarius, and Pisces may work for some too, depending on the individuals. Aries may find themselves drawn to their polar opposite, Libra, but this is probably not the best match for them.
Aries in any relationship is magnetic and intense, and others are drawn to these qualities. The Aries individual prefers a strong partner and strong friends, but only those who are capable of giving the impression that Aries is in the lead. Aries will be a loyal friend as long as the relationship keeps evolving and they feel that it is of benefit, but if they become bored or the relationship becomes stale, they will assuredly get out. One who is in any relationship with an Aries should know when to push and when to back off and give the Aries some space. Aries likes a challenge but pushing too hard will drive him off. A sure-fire strategy with an Aries in any relationship capacity is to verbalize often that you find them smart and worthwhile, and that they are number one with you! Remember, with Aries, the by-words are "me first!"
Interesting fact: Adolf Hitler had the same Zodiac sign as me.
My Personality
The Yellow Personality - The “Let’s Do It Differently” People Yellows are self-confident personalities.
The words that apply to Yellows are self-reliant, self-respected, self made, self-motivated, self-esteem, self-starters, and self-fulfilled. They believe in themselves and their capabilities, and they rely heavily on their intellectual abilities. Yellows know that if they put their mind to something, they can accomplish it. Their philosophy is that if they believe it, they can achieve it. When you combine these strong Yellow characteristics with their ambition, they are truly capable of transforming their dreams into accomplishments.
Yellows are true visionaries and conceptual thinkers. They find great pleasure in thinking about the future and just letting their minds wander, exploring the world of endless possibilities. Yellows are challengers, and their primary purpose in life is to make a difference. They are not shy when it comes to challenging authority or the establishment’s way of thinking. The drive behind the Yellow’s need to challenge is they want to know why and how things work so they can make them better. The motto of the Yellow is to think-out-of-the box. Their need to challenge is not only directed at others, it is also selfdirected. They are always escalating their standards and personal expectations. They are the personalities who dare to do things differently just to see if they can do it better, or to see if there is a more effective way. They are compulsive about improving things. Yellows are often described as nonconformists and mavericks. And, even though they may learn to look as if they are conforming to the conventional way of doing things, they are truly square pegs trying to fit into a round world.
Yellows need autonomy and independence. They live by their own internal rules and code of conduct. They have very high principles and values, and will challenge anyone or anything that questions either. They are not compliant personalities and are not easily influenced by others or by traditional limitations. Yellows march to their own drummers. Yellows need the freedom to utilize their intelligence, to pursue their quest for knowledge and wisdom, and to continue to develop their competency by acquiring new skills and expanding their capabilities. They are deep and innovative thinkers. For Yellows, being an expert is not the only thing, it is everything. They are very demanding on themselves and will not settle for anything less than perfection.
They view life as something to master.
They are the perfect scientists because of their need to comprehend, predict, and explain both concepts and realities. Research is their forte. They are driven by the need to understand. Yellows live to solve problems in order to create better systems and procedures. In fact, the more complicated the challenge, the better. For a Yellow, problems offer the opportunity to exercise their minds and expand their intellect. Yellows pride themselves on their problem-solving skills and realize that identifying the problem is only half of the equation—finding the best solution is the other half.
The words that apply to Yellows are self-reliant, self-respected, self made, self-motivated, self-esteem, self-starters, and self-fulfilled. They believe in themselves and their capabilities, and they rely heavily on their intellectual abilities. Yellows know that if they put their mind to something, they can accomplish it. Their philosophy is that if they believe it, they can achieve it. When you combine these strong Yellow characteristics with their ambition, they are truly capable of transforming their dreams into accomplishments.
Yellows are true visionaries and conceptual thinkers. They find great pleasure in thinking about the future and just letting their minds wander, exploring the world of endless possibilities. Yellows are challengers, and their primary purpose in life is to make a difference. They are not shy when it comes to challenging authority or the establishment’s way of thinking. The drive behind the Yellow’s need to challenge is they want to know why and how things work so they can make them better. The motto of the Yellow is to think-out-of-the box. Their need to challenge is not only directed at others, it is also selfdirected. They are always escalating their standards and personal expectations. They are the personalities who dare to do things differently just to see if they can do it better, or to see if there is a more effective way. They are compulsive about improving things. Yellows are often described as nonconformists and mavericks. And, even though they may learn to look as if they are conforming to the conventional way of doing things, they are truly square pegs trying to fit into a round world.
Yellows need autonomy and independence. They live by their own internal rules and code of conduct. They have very high principles and values, and will challenge anyone or anything that questions either. They are not compliant personalities and are not easily influenced by others or by traditional limitations. Yellows march to their own drummers. Yellows need the freedom to utilize their intelligence, to pursue their quest for knowledge and wisdom, and to continue to develop their competency by acquiring new skills and expanding their capabilities. They are deep and innovative thinkers. For Yellows, being an expert is not the only thing, it is everything. They are very demanding on themselves and will not settle for anything less than perfection.
They view life as something to master.
They are the perfect scientists because of their need to comprehend, predict, and explain both concepts and realities. Research is their forte. They are driven by the need to understand. Yellows live to solve problems in order to create better systems and procedures. In fact, the more complicated the challenge, the better. For a Yellow, problems offer the opportunity to exercise their minds and expand their intellect. Yellows pride themselves on their problem-solving skills and realize that identifying the problem is only half of the equation—finding the best solution is the other half.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Fun Times
Its been a great weekend, although I didn't do all I wanted to do. Same for last weekend.
My sister turned 21, and we had a family get together for her. I bought her the prettiest champagne glass ever! After her party, me and a few friends went out.
I wanted to get drunk, I don't get that drunk very often anymore, but I have to say, I got completely wasted, absolutely useless, and extremely lovable as always. Too lovable... And I forgot my phone at a stranger's house.
This weekend, it was my best friend's 24th birthday. Not very special, but he means a lot to me, so, I could not resist going. Funny thing is, last weekend I got a bit lovable with one of my friends, and this weekend got a bit lovable with another friend, infron't of last week's smooch. Oops...
Anywhoo, I still don't know if I like either of them, but at least one of them is making an effort to get to know me. And I have nothing to lose.
Dilemma of the week: I'm bored with my job, started a second one, hated it after 1 shift, and I can't quit, because daddy said so. Now what?!?!
Get a hobby. Lose weight. I set my goals a long time ago. I never follow through. At least I'm prepared for 3 weeks of intensive studying, relaxing, dieting, and exercise. Plus swimming. I really can't wait to get in a pool, and its almost hot enough. And hopefully by then my sinuses clear up. I need to go donate blood again too.
Sad part of my week: It's our 5 year anniversary at my Primary School, and I won't be able to go... Road trip!
Can't wait for that either. Getting on a long road again. Its going to be awesome.
And I found a new idea for a tattoo, I decided that I really don't want a tramp-stamp, so my previous design won't work. Pretty, isn't it?
Oh, and a new discovery this week, a song:
Jack Parow - I miss
I miss two tone clothes from Andre Carl
I miss fokken early Monday morning skoolsaal
I miss the parties when my parents where gone
I miss the days when the booze was still strong
I miss those hip high full suite bikinis
I miss Mickey Mouse shirts and polka dot minis
I miss the original Indiana Jones merch
I miss the duck from fokken telefun quiz
I miss early morning kaalvoet rugby
I miss KFC when it was still called Kentucky
I miss days when I thought movies were real
I miss my ouma sitting reading Danielle Steel
I miss the first child's play and Jurassic Park
I miss Jake the snake, Gold Dust and Owen Heart
I miss it and Freddy and Jason volies
I miss sneaking down the to TV and watching late night movies
bad old pussycat
whole day long
teenage mutant ninja turtles
by the power of grey skull
ghost busters
I miss the students seats at Newlands rugby park
I miss sleeping with the lights on because I'm scared at the dark
I miss Leon Schuster when he was still taking the piss
I miss screaming Province with my hand in a fist
I miss doing cut and paste projects for school
I miss pollyotters and having braais by the pool
I miss Dinoryders, Bravestar and Bionic Six
I miss Cheers, Arende, Who’s the Boss and Wings
I miss puzzles with mom and playing with play dough
tell me “where in the world is Carmen Sandiego”
I miss giving girls lifts home on my poegie
I miss the days in Marc’s car of just smoking and cruising
I miss the A Team and Murder She Wrote
I miss the days when I was still kak scared to smoke
I miss the days when special effects were hand made
when Francios Pienaar still played rugby and didn’t eat Lays
There’s so much I miss from the old days
There’s so much that I learnt from the old ways
Another kid fokken raised by the 80′s
Kytie Kytie, jy was nie net 'n mytie
I was raise by girls in outfits and kop doeke
kaal bolyf, kla oortyd en kaal fokken voete
Dallas, Dynasty en Agter elke man
Kringe innie bos en Ballade vir n enkeling
Voortrekker camps and CSV kampe
Mufasa, Aladin, Bambi and Thumper
Klei lat, Swart Kat and self-built tree houses
no shoes, no worries, play holes in my trousers
there’s a lot of good things that happened back then
but I cant keep going on about way back when
so that’s enough of that, no way no how..
Cause I’ll miss all the shit that I'm doing right now
That's it for now.
My sister turned 21, and we had a family get together for her. I bought her the prettiest champagne glass ever! After her party, me and a few friends went out.
I wanted to get drunk, I don't get that drunk very often anymore, but I have to say, I got completely wasted, absolutely useless, and extremely lovable as always. Too lovable... And I forgot my phone at a stranger's house.
This weekend, it was my best friend's 24th birthday. Not very special, but he means a lot to me, so, I could not resist going. Funny thing is, last weekend I got a bit lovable with one of my friends, and this weekend got a bit lovable with another friend, infron't of last week's smooch. Oops...
Anywhoo, I still don't know if I like either of them, but at least one of them is making an effort to get to know me. And I have nothing to lose.
Dilemma of the week: I'm bored with my job, started a second one, hated it after 1 shift, and I can't quit, because daddy said so. Now what?!?!
Get a hobby. Lose weight. I set my goals a long time ago. I never follow through. At least I'm prepared for 3 weeks of intensive studying, relaxing, dieting, and exercise. Plus swimming. I really can't wait to get in a pool, and its almost hot enough. And hopefully by then my sinuses clear up. I need to go donate blood again too.
Sad part of my week: It's our 5 year anniversary at my Primary School, and I won't be able to go... Road trip!
Can't wait for that either. Getting on a long road again. Its going to be awesome.
And I found a new idea for a tattoo, I decided that I really don't want a tramp-stamp, so my previous design won't work. Pretty, isn't it?
Oh, and a new discovery this week, a song:
Jack Parow - I miss
I miss two tone clothes from Andre Carl
I miss fokken early Monday morning skoolsaal
I miss the parties when my parents where gone
I miss the days when the booze was still strong
I miss those hip high full suite bikinis
I miss Mickey Mouse shirts and polka dot minis
I miss the original Indiana Jones merch
I miss the duck from fokken telefun quiz
I miss early morning kaalvoet rugby
I miss KFC when it was still called Kentucky
I miss days when I thought movies were real
I miss my ouma sitting reading Danielle Steel
I miss the first child's play and Jurassic Park
I miss Jake the snake, Gold Dust and Owen Heart
I miss it and Freddy and Jason volies
I miss sneaking down the to TV and watching late night movies
bad old pussycat
whole day long
teenage mutant ninja turtles
by the power of grey skull
ghost busters
I miss the students seats at Newlands rugby park
I miss sleeping with the lights on because I'm scared at the dark
I miss Leon Schuster when he was still taking the piss
I miss screaming Province with my hand in a fist
I miss doing cut and paste projects for school
I miss pollyotters and having braais by the pool
I miss Dinoryders, Bravestar and Bionic Six
I miss Cheers, Arende, Who’s the Boss and Wings
I miss puzzles with mom and playing with play dough
tell me “where in the world is Carmen Sandiego”
I miss giving girls lifts home on my poegie
I miss the days in Marc’s car of just smoking and cruising
I miss the A Team and Murder She Wrote
I miss the days when I was still kak scared to smoke
I miss the days when special effects were hand made
when Francios Pienaar still played rugby and didn’t eat Lays
There’s so much I miss from the old days
There’s so much that I learnt from the old ways
Another kid fokken raised by the 80′s
Kytie Kytie, jy was nie net 'n mytie
I was raise by girls in outfits and kop doeke
kaal bolyf, kla oortyd en kaal fokken voete
Dallas, Dynasty en Agter elke man
Kringe innie bos en Ballade vir n enkeling
Voortrekker camps and CSV kampe
Mufasa, Aladin, Bambi and Thumper
Klei lat, Swart Kat and self-built tree houses
no shoes, no worries, play holes in my trousers
there’s a lot of good things that happened back then
but I cant keep going on about way back when
so that’s enough of that, no way no how..
Cause I’ll miss all the shit that I'm doing right now
That's it for now.
Friday, August 27, 2010
What is love?
Shakespeare and so many others have written about what love is, or at least what they think it is... But in actual fact, we don't live the fairytale, we mostly live the tragedies, written in so many songs, poems, short stories, plays, movies, etc.
Getting rejected by lovers, being betrayed, betraying others, or it just doesn't work out. It's not you, it's me... Bla bla bla! It's just a game, a love game. What is love? Baby don't hurt me.
Being in love is wonderful. Loving someone is complicated. And finding love is war. You always need to compete for attention, or just sit back and look at other women make a fool of themselves in front of your love interest. Then we all play the waiting game. Should I call or text, or is he going to do it first? Playing with your phone every five minutes, asking friends what they think will happen. Who the hell are we kidding?
If its not supposed to work, its not going to. If he doesn't call... Tough shit! And the most important rule of all: exes are exes for a reason, delete them off your phone and forget about them... There's no reason to torture yourself with mistakes you already made, rectifying them isn't going to work, and if he's married, he isn't going to leave his wife for you. That's just stupid.
Yes, I do want to get married, and I do want someone to cuddle and take out. But why fantasize about someone who you really don't care for, or even think: "tonight's the night I meet Mr. Right". If it happens it happens, if it doesn't, don't cry yourself to sleep. I don't have many female friends exactly for this reason. "What do you think about him?". "He's soooo cute!". Again... Bla bla bla. They tend to destroy a relationship with their obsessive behaviour.
Now, to explain true love through my eyes. True love is a feeling you get if you spend enough quality time with someone. Not romantic love, just love... Take me and my kids in the USA. I love them to death, and that's probably why I dream about them all the time. Then there's my best friend, we've known each other since 2003. I didn't like him much at the beginning, but now I can't live without him. And its sad that I didn't see him for 16 months while I was in America, but now... It doesn't matter at all. It is like I never left, like I went on a small vacation and came back. Sure, it was a bit weird catching up and getting back to being a South African, but its back to normal now.
The kids... Aye! The kids. It took me just over a month to fully understand each and every one of them, but as soon as you know where you can bribe them in order for them to just lower their guards and then start making them realize you're there to stay and that you're not the bad guy, it starts developing, until one day... You put them to bed, and instead of just saying good-night, you tell them, I love you.
I love you.
And they look back all surprised and dumb-struck, and as kids, they just say "I love you too". Any tantrums that pissed you off, any accidents, wrong-doings, fights, disciplinary action taken against them... All of it disappears in a second. And you never want to leave them. They can steal candy, bite each other, say bad things, irritate each other, not share the Wii, throw each other with toys, scream and yell. It doesn't matter. You can never hate a loving soul. Especially such a little rascal that does everything in his or her power to get your attention.
Romantic love is a bunch of hooha. True love is the kind that comes in all packages. It doesn't fit your type. It isn't handsome. It doesn't buy you drinks or take you out to dinner. Its waking up in the morning, and just hearing: "Thank you for getting my clothes, I love you", "I like your hair... I like your shirt...", "thank you for playing with me", and if it was a really good time...
"Hahaha! We got so drunk last night!"
Getting rejected by lovers, being betrayed, betraying others, or it just doesn't work out. It's not you, it's me... Bla bla bla! It's just a game, a love game. What is love? Baby don't hurt me.
Being in love is wonderful. Loving someone is complicated. And finding love is war. You always need to compete for attention, or just sit back and look at other women make a fool of themselves in front of your love interest. Then we all play the waiting game. Should I call or text, or is he going to do it first? Playing with your phone every five minutes, asking friends what they think will happen. Who the hell are we kidding?
If its not supposed to work, its not going to. If he doesn't call... Tough shit! And the most important rule of all: exes are exes for a reason, delete them off your phone and forget about them... There's no reason to torture yourself with mistakes you already made, rectifying them isn't going to work, and if he's married, he isn't going to leave his wife for you. That's just stupid.
Yes, I do want to get married, and I do want someone to cuddle and take out. But why fantasize about someone who you really don't care for, or even think: "tonight's the night I meet Mr. Right". If it happens it happens, if it doesn't, don't cry yourself to sleep. I don't have many female friends exactly for this reason. "What do you think about him?". "He's soooo cute!". Again... Bla bla bla. They tend to destroy a relationship with their obsessive behaviour.
Now, to explain true love through my eyes. True love is a feeling you get if you spend enough quality time with someone. Not romantic love, just love... Take me and my kids in the USA. I love them to death, and that's probably why I dream about them all the time. Then there's my best friend, we've known each other since 2003. I didn't like him much at the beginning, but now I can't live without him. And its sad that I didn't see him for 16 months while I was in America, but now... It doesn't matter at all. It is like I never left, like I went on a small vacation and came back. Sure, it was a bit weird catching up and getting back to being a South African, but its back to normal now.
The kids... Aye! The kids. It took me just over a month to fully understand each and every one of them, but as soon as you know where you can bribe them in order for them to just lower their guards and then start making them realize you're there to stay and that you're not the bad guy, it starts developing, until one day... You put them to bed, and instead of just saying good-night, you tell them, I love you.
I love you.
And they look back all surprised and dumb-struck, and as kids, they just say "I love you too". Any tantrums that pissed you off, any accidents, wrong-doings, fights, disciplinary action taken against them... All of it disappears in a second. And you never want to leave them. They can steal candy, bite each other, say bad things, irritate each other, not share the Wii, throw each other with toys, scream and yell. It doesn't matter. You can never hate a loving soul. Especially such a little rascal that does everything in his or her power to get your attention.
Romantic love is a bunch of hooha. True love is the kind that comes in all packages. It doesn't fit your type. It isn't handsome. It doesn't buy you drinks or take you out to dinner. Its waking up in the morning, and just hearing: "Thank you for getting my clothes, I love you", "I like your hair... I like your shirt...", "thank you for playing with me", and if it was a really good time...
"Hahaha! We got so drunk last night!"
Monday, August 23, 2010
Seven Deadly Sins
There is a lot to think of when it comes to morality and social standards. Especially in the current era where it is normal to get wasted, do drugs, have one night stands, and watch free Internet pornography. But at the end of the day, does it really make you a bad person, or does it affect the way you will spend the afterlife?
I personally believe that everyone plays a vital roll in society, but a small amount of people aren't needed. Looking at a beggar, that begs to keep his drug habit going strong, and will probably not stop begging or doing drugs until he dies... Does society really need him? Or idiots like Julius Malema? Or corruptees like current President Jacob Zuma?
So, to get on topic, the seven deadly sins described by Dante Alghieri in his "The Divine Comedy" consist of:
1.Lust 2.Gluttony 3.Greed 4.Sloth 5.Wrath 6.Envy 7.Pride
I know a few people who have children out of wedlock, and not one of those children are doomed to be miserable, stupid, or ugly. They're all extremely intelligent, loving, and like all children a bit naughty. I also know a lot of people who do drugs. Lighter drugs like marijuana don't affect people that much, from what I've seen, but heavier drugs like cocaine, heroin, and cat... That's a different story.
My cousin used to do a lot of drugs. He stopped. I have no idea what made him stop, but he know has a very worthy girlfriend, whom he wants to marry. The good (some might think bad) thing about this whole situation is that she has two children out of wedlock, and my cousin loves children. Which works out perfectly. Right?
When it comes to the deadly sins, I'm not sure what to think. Yes, they all have valid points and it provides moral ethics, but, let's say that someone wronged me, taking wrath is an extremely natural feeling that I would get. Revenge is an every day feeling you get, I do... For instance, if someone tries to drive me off the road, I get back at them. I call it Karma. But revenge is taken out of control when a building is brought down by planes and a war breaks out for 9 years... Currently it's 9 years, but when will it end?
I can go on about this for hours, but honestly, I think bad things are in this world for some balance. If there is light, there must be dark. If there is good, there must be evil. Evil or bad, call it whatever you want to, makes us feel something. If there were only good in the world, what would we feel like everyday? Happy? Ecstatic? Zombie-like? Nothing?
Bad things happen to make us appreciate what we have in life. If someone prides over us, if someone is richer than us, if someone takes advantage of us to feed their greed, if someone kicks us down and discourages us, if we drink excessively, if we take wrath over someone, and if we envy... WE FEEL.
I've always liked the good and the bad in people. The bad balances out what they really are, instead of seeing people like saints. No offence to the Catholic Church, but making all those feelings and actions "deadly", is completely stupid. We are human. We do wrong. We are powerful. We can be disciplined. We have freedom of choice. We can be negligent.
I like to lust, get drunk, be lazy, take revenge on the people who do me wrong, envy others and pretend I'm powerful, take pride in what I to if I succeed, and like all other human beings, I do get greedy. Greed is human nature and no one can change it.
Let me be who I am.
I personally believe that everyone plays a vital roll in society, but a small amount of people aren't needed. Looking at a beggar, that begs to keep his drug habit going strong, and will probably not stop begging or doing drugs until he dies... Does society really need him? Or idiots like Julius Malema? Or corruptees like current President Jacob Zuma?
So, to get on topic, the seven deadly sins described by Dante Alghieri in his "The Divine Comedy" consist of:
1.Lust 2.Gluttony 3.Greed 4.Sloth 5.Wrath 6.Envy 7.Pride
I know a few people who have children out of wedlock, and not one of those children are doomed to be miserable, stupid, or ugly. They're all extremely intelligent, loving, and like all children a bit naughty. I also know a lot of people who do drugs. Lighter drugs like marijuana don't affect people that much, from what I've seen, but heavier drugs like cocaine, heroin, and cat... That's a different story.
My cousin used to do a lot of drugs. He stopped. I have no idea what made him stop, but he know has a very worthy girlfriend, whom he wants to marry. The good (some might think bad) thing about this whole situation is that she has two children out of wedlock, and my cousin loves children. Which works out perfectly. Right?
When it comes to the deadly sins, I'm not sure what to think. Yes, they all have valid points and it provides moral ethics, but, let's say that someone wronged me, taking wrath is an extremely natural feeling that I would get. Revenge is an every day feeling you get, I do... For instance, if someone tries to drive me off the road, I get back at them. I call it Karma. But revenge is taken out of control when a building is brought down by planes and a war breaks out for 9 years... Currently it's 9 years, but when will it end?
I can go on about this for hours, but honestly, I think bad things are in this world for some balance. If there is light, there must be dark. If there is good, there must be evil. Evil or bad, call it whatever you want to, makes us feel something. If there were only good in the world, what would we feel like everyday? Happy? Ecstatic? Zombie-like? Nothing?
Bad things happen to make us appreciate what we have in life. If someone prides over us, if someone is richer than us, if someone takes advantage of us to feed their greed, if someone kicks us down and discourages us, if we drink excessively, if we take wrath over someone, and if we envy... WE FEEL.
I've always liked the good and the bad in people. The bad balances out what they really are, instead of seeing people like saints. No offence to the Catholic Church, but making all those feelings and actions "deadly", is completely stupid. We are human. We do wrong. We are powerful. We can be disciplined. We have freedom of choice. We can be negligent.
I like to lust, get drunk, be lazy, take revenge on the people who do me wrong, envy others and pretend I'm powerful, take pride in what I to if I succeed, and like all other human beings, I do get greedy. Greed is human nature and no one can change it.
Let me be who I am.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Funny Moments in Life
We all have those awkward moments in life, and when you think back about it, its hysterical. You start laughing randomly, and you can't help it.
The oldest funny moment I have was when I was about seven or eight. All girls do it, and I'll do it over and over in life. I slept over at my German friend's house, and we talked about what we thought life was like. Her mom and dad kept taking turns to tells us to go to bed. We talked until we passed out from exhaustion. That was long ago, but we said we'll be friends forever, and now she lives in Germany, I haven't seen her in 15 years, but we were the best of friends. We played Barbie together, we swam, we sung, we played on the jungle gym, and we were always naughty. Once we climbed into the neighbour's house, through the top bedroom window, because we believed she was kidnapping animals, if my memory serves me correctly. We were so scared, and the next moment she came upstairs. We hid under the bed, and while she went to the bathroom, we snuck out back through the window.
When we went swimming, adult supervision was obligated. If I think back now, my dad had better things to do than watch us, but he usually made it fun. We had a kiddo pool section that was knee deep shallow, it was our safe house. While my dad was swimming around, we would loudly sneak up on him, giggling and talking, splashing aloud, because our swimming abilities were limited. My dad would then turn around and shout "here comes the crocodile!", and we'd have to race to get to the safe house before he tickled the pee out of us.
She taught me how to speak English. I missed her when she left for Germany.
Another funny thought was in grade 1 when a boy in my class was caught urinating in the garden. I felt sorry for him one day, and gave him a doughnut, that doughnut actually belonged to my sister. Oops.
Then, when I was ten, we played touchers, and I ran away from a boy, Casper, and jumped over a girl, Janneke, and when Casper tried to jump over Janneke, she bobbed her head. Casper broke Janneke's nose, and it was my fault?!?! That same year, I got 100% for science, a friend of mine cried about it, because she got pressured by her mom, she only got 95%?!?! Also, in that same year, we had an over-aggressive boy who got mad at the teacher for some dumb reason, and he threw his chair. Another boy had to get stitches.
In primary school my sister and I had to take our bicycles everywhere, even to buy milk. Our household went through 10 litres of milk every four days. Incredible! So, because my dad bought our bicycles, it was the ugliest bicycles within a 500 kilometer radius. Pink, old fashioned bicycles with white baskets at the front. The paint was peeling off and it made squeaky noises when we rode it, and my bicycle's handles weren't aligned, meaning, I had to pretend I'm turning to go straight. To top it all off, neither I nor my sister were very popular in school. Use your imagination for a second. Two girls riding ugly pink bicycles, each with a five litre bottle of milk in their basket, complaining the whole time, and losing their balance because the bottles kept shifting sides, and every now and then, fall down and hope the milk survived the fall. That's why I hate bicycles.
When my sister and I decided to spare ourselves the embarrassment of the bicycles, we walked to school, and as it is here in summer, it would be bright and shiny in the mornings, and then pouring cats and dogs in the afternoons. We had to walk in the rain, and for that, my dad equipped us with even uglier rain suites. We never took them to school. So, we would come home, looking like we went for a swim, and ring the doorbell for my grandmother to open the door. She always wore wool gloves. Always. The consequence of wearing gloves were that it took her twenty minutes to press the garage remote for us to be able to get into the house. The effect is that I don't like my grandmother that much either.
Just to make it clear, I was in four primary schools. In my last one, I was tortured. The third school was too small to have clicks, but the fourth one... OMG! I was teased because my hair was too short, my dress was too long, and my sticker collection sucked. That was until my mom bought me Spice Girls stickers, and later, Titanic stickers. I didn't swop my Spice Girls or Titanic stickers, and then... My "best friend" stole them. I stole it back. She initially said she didn't know where my stickers went, and when I stole it back, I told her it just fell out and I found it at home. That same friend stole my underwear and some shirts. I evetually bad-mouthed her and she couldn't find friends anymore. Payback... Her last friend left her when she said her hair looked like a christmas tree. I told her. It was the time when those little butterfly clips were in fashion. And the huge Spice Girls shoes. I am extremely grateful that those shoes, and jelly baby shoes, are out of fashion.
Well, going to high school... I met my first love there, but I don't want to write about him. I want to write about his sister. Well, when the love and I was at their house, we made a habbit of tickeling the little sister, untill she wet herself. She hated us for it, but who can resist? There were stains all over the rug, and it was our evil doings. The other physical problem she had was that her feet smelt like blue cheese. We could smell her take her shoes of in the living room from the furthest bedroom in the house. Then, one weekend, me, my sister, the love, and his little sister went to the bush. The first day she took her shoes off, we tied her shoe laces together and hung her shoes in a tree, which just happened to be conveniently out of reach for her. Two days later, the smell was gone. Its amazing what a little fresh air can do...
XOXOXO
The oldest funny moment I have was when I was about seven or eight. All girls do it, and I'll do it over and over in life. I slept over at my German friend's house, and we talked about what we thought life was like. Her mom and dad kept taking turns to tells us to go to bed. We talked until we passed out from exhaustion. That was long ago, but we said we'll be friends forever, and now she lives in Germany, I haven't seen her in 15 years, but we were the best of friends. We played Barbie together, we swam, we sung, we played on the jungle gym, and we were always naughty. Once we climbed into the neighbour's house, through the top bedroom window, because we believed she was kidnapping animals, if my memory serves me correctly. We were so scared, and the next moment she came upstairs. We hid under the bed, and while she went to the bathroom, we snuck out back through the window.
When we went swimming, adult supervision was obligated. If I think back now, my dad had better things to do than watch us, but he usually made it fun. We had a kiddo pool section that was knee deep shallow, it was our safe house. While my dad was swimming around, we would loudly sneak up on him, giggling and talking, splashing aloud, because our swimming abilities were limited. My dad would then turn around and shout "here comes the crocodile!", and we'd have to race to get to the safe house before he tickled the pee out of us.
She taught me how to speak English. I missed her when she left for Germany.
Another funny thought was in grade 1 when a boy in my class was caught urinating in the garden. I felt sorry for him one day, and gave him a doughnut, that doughnut actually belonged to my sister. Oops.Then, when I was ten, we played touchers, and I ran away from a boy, Casper, and jumped over a girl, Janneke, and when Casper tried to jump over Janneke, she bobbed her head. Casper broke Janneke's nose, and it was my fault?!?! That same year, I got 100% for science, a friend of mine cried about it, because she got pressured by her mom, she only got 95%?!?! Also, in that same year, we had an over-aggressive boy who got mad at the teacher for some dumb reason, and he threw his chair. Another boy had to get stitches.
In primary school my sister and I had to take our bicycles everywhere, even to buy milk. Our household went through 10 litres of milk every four days. Incredible! So, because my dad bought our bicycles, it was the ugliest bicycles within a 500 kilometer radius. Pink, old fashioned bicycles with white baskets at the front. The paint was peeling off and it made squeaky noises when we rode it, and my bicycle's handles weren't aligned, meaning, I had to pretend I'm turning to go straight. To top it all off, neither I nor my sister were very popular in school. Use your imagination for a second. Two girls riding ugly pink bicycles, each with a five litre bottle of milk in their basket, complaining the whole time, and losing their balance because the bottles kept shifting sides, and every now and then, fall down and hope the milk survived the fall. That's why I hate bicycles.When my sister and I decided to spare ourselves the embarrassment of the bicycles, we walked to school, and as it is here in summer, it would be bright and shiny in the mornings, and then pouring cats and dogs in the afternoons. We had to walk in the rain, and for that, my dad equipped us with even uglier rain suites. We never took them to school. So, we would come home, looking like we went for a swim, and ring the doorbell for my grandmother to open the door. She always wore wool gloves. Always. The consequence of wearing gloves were that it took her twenty minutes to press the garage remote for us to be able to get into the house. The effect is that I don't like my grandmother that much either.
Just to make it clear, I was in four primary schools. In my last one, I was tortured. The third school was too small to have clicks, but the fourth one... OMG! I was teased because my hair was too short, my dress was too long, and my sticker collection sucked. That was until my mom bought me Spice Girls stickers, and later, Titanic stickers. I didn't swop my Spice Girls or Titanic stickers, and then... My "best friend" stole them. I stole it back. She initially said she didn't know where my stickers went, and when I stole it back, I told her it just fell out and I found it at home. That same friend stole my underwear and some shirts. I evetually bad-mouthed her and she couldn't find friends anymore. Payback... Her last friend left her when she said her hair looked like a christmas tree. I told her. It was the time when those little butterfly clips were in fashion. And the huge Spice Girls shoes. I am extremely grateful that those shoes, and jelly baby shoes, are out of fashion.Well, going to high school... I met my first love there, but I don't want to write about him. I want to write about his sister. Well, when the love and I was at their house, we made a habbit of tickeling the little sister, untill she wet herself. She hated us for it, but who can resist? There were stains all over the rug, and it was our evil doings. The other physical problem she had was that her feet smelt like blue cheese. We could smell her take her shoes of in the living room from the furthest bedroom in the house. Then, one weekend, me, my sister, the love, and his little sister went to the bush. The first day she took her shoes off, we tied her shoe laces together and hung her shoes in a tree, which just happened to be conveniently out of reach for her. Two days later, the smell was gone. Its amazing what a little fresh air can do...
XOXOXO
Monday, August 2, 2010
Crash Boom Bang
First assignment due in 3 days, 30% completed... Not good. Had sex with a stranger... Even worse. Lady's night... Extremely positive.
I was at a fundraiser for barefoot skiers, a ladies night, it started off with cocktails and survival kits for women. Included in a survival pack is:
1 x G-string
2 x Condoms
1 x Headache powder
1 x Chocolate
After all of the girls, and boys, got a bit tipsy, it was time for sex toys demonstrations and a quiz. After the quiz... Body shots and lap dances. Very, very sexy! Naming a few questions in the quiz:
Q: Why were vibrators invented?
A: To cure hysteria in women.
Q: What sex toy was made famous in Sex and the City?
A: Roger Rabbit.
Q: What was the first dildo made out of?
A: Wood.
Q: Do most women get sexually satisfied from only penetration?
A: No.
Q: What is the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?
A: A dildo doesn't vibrate.
With the answers to the questions, there were demonstrations of all the sex toys. It was hilarious, but very intriguing. There were dildos in all colours and sizes, vibrators in all shapes and disguises, lubricant, and then my favourite: the tongue. The tongue is a rubber tongue that is about the size of the average woman's hand, and what does it do? Oral sex! LOL! Its like a little mechanism that moves around inside the rubber, and it feels like a tongue. Amazing what technology is used for these days.
Then, to get to the random stranger sex... Aye! Well, after I got home, extremely drunk from the girls night, I went over to the neighbours house. Two guys kinda invited themselves, but then again, that's what we South Africans do best. We sat in the kitchen drinking, the one guy went to bed, in our spare bedroom, and that left me with the other guy. I eventually told him that I was tired, and the other spare bed is in my room. Mistake. We then sat and talked, and when it was time for lights out, he got into my bed?!?! Anyway, I couldn't sleep, and as random as I am, asked him if he wanted to have sex. LOL, it wouldn't have been that awkward if it wasn't him. He is a strange creature. Anyway, it wasn't horrible, but it was quick, he and his friend had to leave early to drive somewhere.
The bad thing is, I only realized the next night that his friend puked all over my sister's toilet, my sister texted me saying its my responsibility. Its done. After looking after kids for so long, I don't get grossed out anymore.
The only good thing that happened was that I got a G-spot orgasm, which wasn't as amazing as I thought it would be. I've had one before, but I was 16. That's why size matters.
Anyway, just another reason to stay single now. I don't want to go through getting to know someone and hope and pray that they like me, etc. The last fling I had got a new girlfriend 4 days after we saw each other, the previous one did the same... I feel like I have bad luck at the moment.
Another surprise in my life is that I can actually drink tequila again. It takes a cigarette and a cider to keep it down, but at least it stays down. I found this out when I went out one night this past week, and a guy bought me tequila. I dropped him off at home that night, he lost his friends. He's old, from Namibia, but he's a nice guy.
I saw him again at a Christmas in July party, where I had tequila again. Ha! I never learn...
Last thing that happened to me was today. My geyser broke. My whole flat was under steaming water. Luckily we have a wet and dry vacuum cleaner. It works like a miracle. And now that that's happened, I have my place like I like it, all the stuff I don't need came out today, now I can rearrange my house like I want it, and maybe decorate a bit more.
Start your engines! Its going to be a bumpy ride...
I was at a fundraiser for barefoot skiers, a ladies night, it started off with cocktails and survival kits for women. Included in a survival pack is:
1 x G-string
2 x Condoms
1 x Headache powder
1 x Chocolate
After all of the girls, and boys, got a bit tipsy, it was time for sex toys demonstrations and a quiz. After the quiz... Body shots and lap dances. Very, very sexy! Naming a few questions in the quiz:
Q: Why were vibrators invented?
A: To cure hysteria in women.
Q: What sex toy was made famous in Sex and the City?
A: Roger Rabbit.
Q: What was the first dildo made out of?
A: Wood.
Q: Do most women get sexually satisfied from only penetration?
A: No.
Q: What is the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?
A: A dildo doesn't vibrate.
With the answers to the questions, there were demonstrations of all the sex toys. It was hilarious, but very intriguing. There were dildos in all colours and sizes, vibrators in all shapes and disguises, lubricant, and then my favourite: the tongue. The tongue is a rubber tongue that is about the size of the average woman's hand, and what does it do? Oral sex! LOL! Its like a little mechanism that moves around inside the rubber, and it feels like a tongue. Amazing what technology is used for these days.
Then, to get to the random stranger sex... Aye! Well, after I got home, extremely drunk from the girls night, I went over to the neighbours house. Two guys kinda invited themselves, but then again, that's what we South Africans do best. We sat in the kitchen drinking, the one guy went to bed, in our spare bedroom, and that left me with the other guy. I eventually told him that I was tired, and the other spare bed is in my room. Mistake. We then sat and talked, and when it was time for lights out, he got into my bed?!?! Anyway, I couldn't sleep, and as random as I am, asked him if he wanted to have sex. LOL, it wouldn't have been that awkward if it wasn't him. He is a strange creature. Anyway, it wasn't horrible, but it was quick, he and his friend had to leave early to drive somewhere.
The bad thing is, I only realized the next night that his friend puked all over my sister's toilet, my sister texted me saying its my responsibility. Its done. After looking after kids for so long, I don't get grossed out anymore.
The only good thing that happened was that I got a G-spot orgasm, which wasn't as amazing as I thought it would be. I've had one before, but I was 16. That's why size matters.
Anyway, just another reason to stay single now. I don't want to go through getting to know someone and hope and pray that they like me, etc. The last fling I had got a new girlfriend 4 days after we saw each other, the previous one did the same... I feel like I have bad luck at the moment.
Another surprise in my life is that I can actually drink tequila again. It takes a cigarette and a cider to keep it down, but at least it stays down. I found this out when I went out one night this past week, and a guy bought me tequila. I dropped him off at home that night, he lost his friends. He's old, from Namibia, but he's a nice guy.I saw him again at a Christmas in July party, where I had tequila again. Ha! I never learn...
Last thing that happened to me was today. My geyser broke. My whole flat was under steaming water. Luckily we have a wet and dry vacuum cleaner. It works like a miracle. And now that that's happened, I have my place like I like it, all the stuff I don't need came out today, now I can rearrange my house like I want it, and maybe decorate a bit more.
Start your engines! Its going to be a bumpy ride...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Self discovery
Well, once again I'm loveless. But this time I'm seeing the bigger picture, which is surprisingly more rewarding than being in a relationship right now.
I feel like I'm a lucky charm for guys, once they kiss me, they find a new love. Its disgusting.
Moving on... Work is fun and frustrating. The fun part being, drunk people are flipping funny, the frustration comes from an incompetent manager that thinks I can't survive without her. She is highly intelligent, but slower than cancer, and her fuse is shorter than the hair at the top of my head at this moment.
I cut my hair, or actually, one of my best friends, if not my best friend, cut my hair. Its short at the back, and then gets longer to the front. Just like Valentine's hair in Doomsday. Another fictional character I wish I could be.
And then I can't stop thinking about what the palm reader said... I have a negative aura. I'm honestly starting to believe that I am on a path of self-destruction. I'm no good at love, relationships, studying, exercising, or just having a normal schedule to live by. I've never been normal, nor do I think I'll ever be, but I at least want it to say I'm normal on my paper work.
My dad and I were watching a show on Television about Bi-polar disorder. And I know I am bipolar. I'm self-conscious, I always think the worst in situations, I'm emotionally sensitive when it comes to people's behaviour towards me, and I get my ups and downs worse than other people. That is bipolar, isn't it? My dad doesn't seem to think I am, but apparently he is?!?!?
ME = DAD
We are the same. I see myself become more and more like my dad every day.
Except for the fact that I don't believe in religion anymore. Which just makes my curiosity grow towards Wicca. Its the oldest religion in the world. And as far as I know, there are no bibles in Wicca. But I like the idea of "no harm". I did the Wicca thing for a little while back in high school, and I liked it, so, maybe just for shits and giggles I should do it again.
Oh, and I started running, I can't do it for long, but I love it to death. I miss that feeling of running far and feeling good... And free. Bicycles don't give you that feeling, neither does walking, or sleeping for long hours.
I do sleep a lot these days, never less than 10 hours, and lately I've been getting weird dreams, such as mermaids, and flying. Apparently only children get flying dreams, but I still have them, and I still dream about my kids in Idaho. Its eating me up inside that I don't have children yet. I don't care much for babies, but from when they can walk and talk, I'm all in.
I want to go nanny again, maybe in Germany, or anywhere in Europe for that matter, but I don't want to leave home again, or be depressed and frustrated because of incompetent parents who don't care much for their children, so, the logical thing to do is wait to have children of my own.
I should get a hobby...
I feel like I'm a lucky charm for guys, once they kiss me, they find a new love. Its disgusting.
Moving on... Work is fun and frustrating. The fun part being, drunk people are flipping funny, the frustration comes from an incompetent manager that thinks I can't survive without her. She is highly intelligent, but slower than cancer, and her fuse is shorter than the hair at the top of my head at this moment.
I cut my hair, or actually, one of my best friends, if not my best friend, cut my hair. Its short at the back, and then gets longer to the front. Just like Valentine's hair in Doomsday. Another fictional character I wish I could be.And then I can't stop thinking about what the palm reader said... I have a negative aura. I'm honestly starting to believe that I am on a path of self-destruction. I'm no good at love, relationships, studying, exercising, or just having a normal schedule to live by. I've never been normal, nor do I think I'll ever be, but I at least want it to say I'm normal on my paper work.
My dad and I were watching a show on Television about Bi-polar disorder. And I know I am bipolar. I'm self-conscious, I always think the worst in situations, I'm emotionally sensitive when it comes to people's behaviour towards me, and I get my ups and downs worse than other people. That is bipolar, isn't it? My dad doesn't seem to think I am, but apparently he is?!?!?
ME = DAD
We are the same. I see myself become more and more like my dad every day.
Except for the fact that I don't believe in religion anymore. Which just makes my curiosity grow towards Wicca. Its the oldest religion in the world. And as far as I know, there are no bibles in Wicca. But I like the idea of "no harm". I did the Wicca thing for a little while back in high school, and I liked it, so, maybe just for shits and giggles I should do it again.
Oh, and I started running, I can't do it for long, but I love it to death. I miss that feeling of running far and feeling good... And free. Bicycles don't give you that feeling, neither does walking, or sleeping for long hours.
I do sleep a lot these days, never less than 10 hours, and lately I've been getting weird dreams, such as mermaids, and flying. Apparently only children get flying dreams, but I still have them, and I still dream about my kids in Idaho. Its eating me up inside that I don't have children yet. I don't care much for babies, but from when they can walk and talk, I'm all in.
I want to go nanny again, maybe in Germany, or anywhere in Europe for that matter, but I don't want to leave home again, or be depressed and frustrated because of incompetent parents who don't care much for their children, so, the logical thing to do is wait to have children of my own.
I should get a hobby...
Friday, July 9, 2010
Palm Reading
I went to get my palms read by a gypsy. It was interesting. The first thing she said to me was that I was in a job that was going to get me nowhere. Which is true. She also mentioned that with my studies a lot of doors would open, like veins spreading. Which is also true.
Then it came to love. Apparently I'm in love with two guys, one who is a risk taker, the other a very stable person. She said the risk taker isn't a good choice, he would end up not going to work and therefore my money issues would become a huge issue, but the risk taker makes me happy. The more mature guy is the better choice, because he would be a long term investment, money wise...
That's not true... I'm not really interested in anyone at the moment. The guy that texted me, who I gave my number to, well... I'll see how that goes. Next week we have a date. Movie and then his house. Mmmmmm, hope it works out.
Then she said something that hit me right between the eyes. I have a negative aura. I believe that one. Although I'm very outgoing and I can't do anything without a smile upon my face, I am a pretty negative person. When it comes to love, money, family, and business... Yes, I am negative.
I can't see how many relationships work, because none of mine work out. Money isn't happiness, so I don't like it much, but it's something we can't live without. Family is all drama drama. Business and career, well, I've tried that, and I don't like it.
The Gypsy woman also said that my negative aura is controlling everything, and it can be seen in my money and relationships. My social life is declining. She wanted to sell me a lucky charm for R500, but I didn't have the money, nor did I want to spend that much money on a lucky charm.
It just made me wonder how palm reading works...
I paid R200 for a palm reading, and I actually wanted to spend another R400 on a Tarot card reading, but again, I only had R200 on me.
But Yay me! I'm going on a first date!
Long time... Long time...
Fingers crossed, no lucky charms, make-up, hair, and I need to shave and do my nails before then...
Hopefully Cupid does something for me again, its been a while, and I truly think I need someone.
Oh, and I got a new phone, Samsung B3310 NOX, and I love it. Makes me feel connected again...
Now I just need to connect...
As for my studies, I got all my results: 80%, 85%, 54%, 77%.
I am extremely upset about the 54%, but now I know where my weakness lies... And the fact that me and Daddy kind of had a fight about it just makes matters worse... My next assignments are due in a month, and I started working on it, but I'm not in the mood. I wish it would just all go away.
It reminds me of a long time ago... When I was in high school, I used to wake up at 4 am to start studying for my tests. I never did bad, I wasn't top of the class, but I always knew I could do better, and then two days ago I found a poster I had back then that says:
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence.
Maybe I should just pull up my socks and do a bloody good job, but then again, its just going to get slaughtered by my dad, so, my work will always be questionable.
Soon, I'm going to start writing down all my memories before I forget those too... But there's one thing I heard in a song a long time ago, and it stuck to me:
You won't remember half the life you lived.
I plan to cherish those memories in my blog, and I need to find my late grandmother's poems and write them down too. Her poems were mostly about religion, and I think I want to give the church another chance.
There has to be a god. He has to have rules. And he most definitely has to care. But I don't think that any book ever written can capture him. I truly don't think that anyone knows him, and I most certainly don't think that he started any religions. Religion is about man and self improvement, and churches only make it seem like praise and worship.
As for Zeitgeist, it was a good movie, but its a load of hooha. I did research on the things they said about Christianity, and its a load of bull. None of the other "gods" lived the same life as Jesus, but that still doesn't mean that he existed. And the Bible is too faulty to believe it.
Where do I go from here?
Then it came to love. Apparently I'm in love with two guys, one who is a risk taker, the other a very stable person. She said the risk taker isn't a good choice, he would end up not going to work and therefore my money issues would become a huge issue, but the risk taker makes me happy. The more mature guy is the better choice, because he would be a long term investment, money wise...That's not true... I'm not really interested in anyone at the moment. The guy that texted me, who I gave my number to, well... I'll see how that goes. Next week we have a date. Movie and then his house. Mmmmmm, hope it works out.
Then she said something that hit me right between the eyes. I have a negative aura. I believe that one. Although I'm very outgoing and I can't do anything without a smile upon my face, I am a pretty negative person. When it comes to love, money, family, and business... Yes, I am negative.
I can't see how many relationships work, because none of mine work out. Money isn't happiness, so I don't like it much, but it's something we can't live without. Family is all drama drama. Business and career, well, I've tried that, and I don't like it.
The Gypsy woman also said that my negative aura is controlling everything, and it can be seen in my money and relationships. My social life is declining. She wanted to sell me a lucky charm for R500, but I didn't have the money, nor did I want to spend that much money on a lucky charm.
It just made me wonder how palm reading works...
I paid R200 for a palm reading, and I actually wanted to spend another R400 on a Tarot card reading, but again, I only had R200 on me.
But Yay me! I'm going on a first date!
Long time... Long time...
Fingers crossed, no lucky charms, make-up, hair, and I need to shave and do my nails before then...
Hopefully Cupid does something for me again, its been a while, and I truly think I need someone.
Oh, and I got a new phone, Samsung B3310 NOX, and I love it. Makes me feel connected again...
Now I just need to connect...
As for my studies, I got all my results: 80%, 85%, 54%, 77%.
I am extremely upset about the 54%, but now I know where my weakness lies... And the fact that me and Daddy kind of had a fight about it just makes matters worse... My next assignments are due in a month, and I started working on it, but I'm not in the mood. I wish it would just all go away.
It reminds me of a long time ago... When I was in high school, I used to wake up at 4 am to start studying for my tests. I never did bad, I wasn't top of the class, but I always knew I could do better, and then two days ago I found a poster I had back then that says:
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence.
Maybe I should just pull up my socks and do a bloody good job, but then again, its just going to get slaughtered by my dad, so, my work will always be questionable.
Soon, I'm going to start writing down all my memories before I forget those too... But there's one thing I heard in a song a long time ago, and it stuck to me:
You won't remember half the life you lived.
I plan to cherish those memories in my blog, and I need to find my late grandmother's poems and write them down too. Her poems were mostly about religion, and I think I want to give the church another chance.
There has to be a god. He has to have rules. And he most definitely has to care. But I don't think that any book ever written can capture him. I truly don't think that anyone knows him, and I most certainly don't think that he started any religions. Religion is about man and self improvement, and churches only make it seem like praise and worship.
As for Zeitgeist, it was a good movie, but its a load of hooha. I did research on the things they said about Christianity, and its a load of bull. None of the other "gods" lived the same life as Jesus, but that still doesn't mean that he existed. And the Bible is too faulty to believe it.
Where do I go from here?
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