What is love?

Shakespeare and so many others have written about what love is, or at least what they think it is... But in actual fact, we don't live the fairytale, we mostly live the tragedies, written in so many songs, poems, short stories, plays, movies, etc.

Getting rejected by lovers, being betrayed, betraying others, or it just doesn't work out. It's not you, it's me... Bla bla bla! It's just a game, a love game. What is love? Baby don't hurt me.

Being in love is wonderful. Loving someone is complicated. And finding love is war. You always need to compete for attention, or just sit back and look at other women make a fool of themselves in front of your love interest. Then we all play the waiting game. Should I call or text, or is he going to do it first? Playing with your phone every five minutes, asking friends what they think will happen. Who the hell are we kidding?

If its not supposed to work, its not going to. If he doesn't call... Tough shit! And the most important rule of all: exes are exes for a reason, delete them off your phone and forget about them... There's no reason to torture yourself with mistakes you already made, rectifying them isn't going to work, and if he's married, he isn't going to leave his wife for you. That's just stupid.

Yes, I do want to get married, and I do want someone to cuddle and take out. But why fantasize about someone who you really don't care for, or even think: "tonight's the night I meet Mr. Right". If it happens it happens, if it doesn't, don't cry yourself to sleep. I don't have many female friends exactly for this reason. "What do you think about him?". "He's soooo cute!". Again... Bla bla bla. They tend to destroy a relationship with their obsessive behaviour.

Now, to explain true love through my eyes. True love is a feeling you get if you spend enough quality time with someone. Not romantic love, just love... Take me and my kids in the USA. I love them to death, and that's probably why I dream about them all the time. Then there's my best friend, we've known each other since 2003. I didn't like him much at the beginning, but now I can't live without him. And its sad that I didn't see him for 16 months while I was in America, but now... It doesn't matter at all. It is like I never left, like I went on a small vacation and came back. Sure, it was a bit weird catching up and getting back to being a South African, but its back to normal now.

The kids... Aye! The kids. It took me just over a month to fully understand each and every one of them, but as soon as you know where you can bribe them in order for them to just lower their guards and then start making them realize you're there to stay and that you're not the bad guy, it starts developing, until one day... You put them to bed, and instead of just saying good-night, you tell them, I love you.


I love you.


And they look back all surprised and dumb-struck, and as kids, they just say "I love you too". Any tantrums that pissed you off, any accidents, wrong-doings, fights, disciplinary action taken against them... All of it disappears in a second. And you never want to leave them. They can steal candy, bite each other, say bad things, irritate each other, not share the Wii, throw each other with toys, scream and yell. It doesn't matter. You can never hate a loving soul. Especially such a little rascal that does everything in his or her power to get your attention.

Romantic love is a bunch of hooha. True love is the kind that comes in all packages. It doesn't fit your type. It isn't handsome. It doesn't buy you drinks or take you out to dinner. Its waking up in the morning, and just hearing: "Thank you for getting my clothes, I love you", "I like your hair... I like your shirt...", "thank you for playing with me", and if it was a really good time...

"Hahaha! We got so drunk last night!"

Seven Deadly Sins

There is a lot to think of when it comes to morality and social standards. Especially in the current era where it is normal to get wasted, do drugs, have one night stands, and watch free Internet pornography. But at the end of the day, does it really make you a bad person, or does it affect the way you will spend the afterlife?

I personally believe that everyone plays a vital roll in society, but a small amount of people aren't needed. Looking at a beggar, that begs to keep his drug habit going strong, and will probably not stop begging or doing drugs until he dies... Does society really need him? Or idiots like Julius Malema? Or corruptees like current President Jacob Zuma?

So, to get on topic, the seven deadly sins described by Dante Alghieri in his "The Divine Comedy" consist of:

1.Lust 2.Gluttony 3.Greed 4.Sloth 5.Wrath 6.Envy 7.Pride


I know a few people who have children out of wedlock, and not one of those children are doomed to be miserable, stupid, or ugly. They're all extremely intelligent, loving, and like all children a bit naughty. I also know a lot of people who do drugs. Lighter drugs like marijuana don't affect people that much, from what I've seen, but heavier drugs like cocaine, heroin, and cat... That's a different story.

My cousin used to do a lot of drugs. He stopped. I have no idea what made him stop, but he know has a very worthy girlfriend, whom he wants to marry. The good (some might think bad) thing about this whole situation is that she has two children out of wedlock, and my cousin loves children. Which works out perfectly. Right?

When it comes to the deadly sins, I'm not sure what to think. Yes, they all have valid points and it provides moral ethics, but, let's say that someone wronged me, taking wrath is an extremely natural feeling that I would get. Revenge is an every day feeling you get, I do... For instance, if someone tries to drive me off the road, I get back at them. I call it Karma. But revenge is taken out of control when a building is brought down by planes and a war breaks out for 9 years... Currently it's 9 years, but when will it end?

I can go on about this for hours, but honestly, I think bad things are in this world for some balance. If there is light, there must be dark. If there is good, there must be evil. Evil or bad, call it whatever you want to, makes us feel something. If there were only good in the world, what would we feel like everyday? Happy? Ecstatic? Zombie-like? Nothing?

Bad things happen to make us appreciate what we have in life. If someone prides over us, if someone is richer than us, if someone takes advantage of us to feed their greed, if someone kicks us down and discourages us, if we drink excessively, if we take wrath over someone, and if we envy... WE FEEL.


I've always liked the good and the bad in people. The bad balances out what they really are, instead of seeing people like saints. No offence to the Catholic Church, but making all those feelings and actions "deadly", is completely stupid. We are human. We do wrong. We are powerful. We can be disciplined. We have freedom of choice. We can be negligent.

I like to lust, get drunk, be lazy, take revenge on the people who do me wrong, envy others and pretend I'm powerful, take pride in what I to if I succeed, and like all other human beings, I do get greedy. Greed is human nature and no one can change it.

Let me be who I am.

Funny Moments in Life

We all have those awkward moments in life, and when you think back about it, its hysterical. You start laughing randomly, and you can't help it.

The oldest funny moment I have was when I was about seven or eight. All girls do it, and I'll do it over and over in life. I slept over at my German friend's house, and we talked about what we thought life was like. Her mom and dad kept taking turns to tells us to go to bed. We talked until we passed out from exhaustion. That was long ago, but we said we'll be friends forever, and now she lives in Germany, I haven't seen her in 15 years, but we were the best of friends. We played Barbie together, we swam, we sung, we played on the jungle gym, and we were always naughty. Once we climbed into the neighbour's house, through the top bedroom window, because we believed she was kidnapping animals, if my memory serves me correctly. We were so scared, and the next moment she came upstairs. We hid under the bed, and while she went to the bathroom, we snuck out back through the window.

When we went swimming, adult supervision was obligated. If I think back now, my dad had better things to do than watch us, but he usually made it fun. We had a kiddo pool section that was knee deep shallow, it was our safe house. While my dad was swimming around, we would loudly sneak up on him, giggling and talking, splashing aloud, because our swimming abilities were limited. My dad would then turn around and shout "here comes the crocodile!", and we'd have to race to get to the safe house before he tickled the pee out of us.

She taught me how to speak English. I missed her when she left for Germany.

Another funny thought was in grade 1 when a boy in my class was caught urinating in the garden. I felt sorry for him one day, and gave him a doughnut, that doughnut actually belonged to my sister. Oops.

Then, when I was ten, we played touchers, and I ran away from a boy, Casper, and jumped over a girl, Janneke, and when Casper tried to jump over Janneke, she bobbed her head. Casper broke Janneke's nose, and it was my fault?!?! That same year, I got 100% for science, a friend of mine cried about it, because she got pressured by her mom, she only got 95%?!?! Also, in that same year, we had an over-aggressive boy who got mad at the teacher for some dumb reason, and he threw his chair. Another boy had to get stitches.

In primary school my sister and I had to take our bicycles everywhere, even to buy milk. Our household went through 10 litres of milk every four days. Incredible! So, because my dad bought our bicycles, it was the ugliest bicycles within a 500 kilometer radius. Pink, old fashioned bicycles with white baskets at the front. The paint was peeling off and it made squeaky noises when we rode it, and my bicycle's handles weren't aligned, meaning, I had to pretend I'm turning to go straight. To top it all off, neither I nor my sister were very popular in school. Use your imagination for a second. Two girls riding ugly pink bicycles, each with a five litre bottle of milk in their basket, complaining the whole time, and losing their balance because the bottles kept shifting sides, and every now and then, fall down and hope the milk survived the fall. That's why I hate bicycles.

When my sister and I decided to spare ourselves the embarrassment of the bicycles, we walked to school, and as it is here in summer, it would be bright and shiny in the mornings, and then pouring cats and dogs in the afternoons. We had to walk in the rain, and for that, my dad equipped us with even uglier rain suites. We never took them to school. So, we would come home, looking like we went for a swim, and ring the doorbell for my grandmother to open the door. She always wore wool gloves. Always. The consequence of wearing gloves were that it took her twenty minutes to press the garage remote for us to be able to get into the house. The effect is that I don't like my grandmother that much either.

Just to make it clear, I was in four primary schools. In my last one, I was tortured. The third school was too small to have clicks, but the fourth one... OMG! I was teased because my hair was too short, my dress was too long, and my sticker collection sucked. That was until my mom bought me Spice Girls stickers, and later, Titanic stickers. I didn't swop my Spice Girls or Titanic stickers, and then... My "best friend" stole them. I stole it back. She initially said she didn't know where my stickers went, and when I stole it back, I told her it just fell out and I found it at home. That same friend stole my underwear and some shirts. I evetually bad-mouthed her and she couldn't find friends anymore. Payback... Her last friend left her when she said her hair looked like a christmas tree. I told her. It was the time when those little butterfly clips were in fashion. And the huge Spice Girls shoes. I am extremely grateful that those shoes, and jelly baby shoes, are out of fashion.

Well, going to high school... I met my first love there, but I don't want to write about him. I want to write about his sister. Well, when the love and I was at their house, we made a habbit of tickeling the little sister, untill she wet herself. She hated us for it, but who can resist? There were stains all over the rug, and it was our evil doings. The other physical problem she had was that her feet smelt like blue cheese. We could smell her take her shoes of in the living room from the furthest bedroom in the house. Then, one weekend, me, my sister, the love, and his little sister went to the bush. The first day she took her shoes off, we tied her shoe laces together and hung her shoes in a tree, which just happened to be conveniently out of reach for her. Two days later, the smell was gone. Its amazing what a little fresh air can do...


XOXOXO

Crash Boom Bang

First assignment due in 3 days, 30% completed... Not good. Had sex with a stranger... Even worse. Lady's night... Extremely positive.

I was at a fundraiser for barefoot skiers, a ladies night, it started off with cocktails and survival kits for women. Included in a survival pack is:

1 x G-string
2 x Condoms
1 x Headache powder
1 x Chocolate

After all of the girls, and boys, got a bit tipsy, it was time for sex toys demonstrations and a quiz. After the quiz... Body shots and lap dances. Very, very sexy! Naming a few questions in the quiz:

Q: Why were vibrators invented?
A: To cure hysteria in women.

Q: What sex toy was made famous in Sex and the City?
A: Roger Rabbit.

Q: What was the first dildo made out of?
A: Wood.

Q: Do most women get sexually satisfied from only penetration?
A: No.

Q: What is the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?
A: A dildo doesn't vibrate.


With the answers to the questions, there were demonstrations of all the sex toys. It was hilarious, but very intriguing. There were dildos in all colours and sizes, vibrators in all shapes and disguises, lubricant, and then my favourite: the tongue. The tongue is a rubber tongue that is about the size of the average woman's hand, and what does it do? Oral sex! LOL! Its like a little mechanism that moves around inside the rubber, and it feels like a tongue. Amazing what technology is used for these days.

Then, to get to the random stranger sex... Aye! Well, after I got home, extremely drunk from the girls night, I went over to the neighbours house. Two guys kinda invited themselves, but then again, that's what we South Africans do best. We sat in the kitchen drinking, the one guy went to bed, in our spare bedroom, and that left me with the other guy. I eventually told him that I was tired, and the other spare bed is in my room. Mistake. We then sat and talked, and when it was time for lights out, he got into my bed?!?! Anyway, I couldn't sleep, and as random as I am, asked him if he wanted to have sex. LOL, it wouldn't have been that awkward if it wasn't him. He is a strange creature. Anyway, it wasn't horrible, but it was quick, he and his friend had to leave early to drive somewhere.

The bad thing is, I only realized the next night that his friend puked all over my sister's toilet, my sister texted me saying its my responsibility. Its done. After looking after kids for so long, I don't get grossed out anymore.

The only good thing that happened was that I got a G-spot orgasm, which wasn't as amazing as I thought it would be. I've had one before, but I was 16. That's why size matters.

Anyway, just another reason to stay single now. I don't want to go through getting to know someone and hope and pray that they like me, etc. The last fling I had got a new girlfriend 4 days after we saw each other, the previous one did the same... I feel like I have bad luck at the moment.

Another surprise in my life is that I can actually drink tequila again. It takes a cigarette and a cider to keep it down, but at least it stays down. I found this out when I went out one night this past week, and a guy bought me tequila. I dropped him off at home that night, he lost his friends. He's old, from Namibia, but he's a nice guy.

I saw him again at a Christmas in July party, where I had tequila again. Ha! I never learn...

Last thing that happened to me was today. My geyser broke. My whole flat was under steaming water. Luckily we have a wet and dry vacuum cleaner. It works like a miracle. And now that that's happened, I have my place like I like it, all the stuff I don't need came out today, now I can rearrange my house like I want it, and maybe decorate a bit more.

Start your engines! Its going to be a bumpy ride...