So, the past few days have been interesting. For one, I play Evony, and things have been heating up there, then I've also gone onto the official Mormon website and spoken to a few missionaries, and then there was my ear infection, and last night's drama.
My ear infection is better, but I still can't hear that clearly in my right ear, at least its not as bad as my ears were in USA.
Then with the Mormons, I do tend to wander on that subject, but it amuses me. I went on pretending not to know anything about the church, and some of the missionaries get extremely rude when you quote the Bible to them. LOL! And then there is also the funny fact that you can not copy the conversations. So, they are protecting themselves. The conversation I liked the most was with Tylor. I first asked him why they don't drink or smoke, and he said that it damages our bodies, and our bodies are a temple of God, so, it damages our souls too. I completely understand and support that. I do smoke and drink, so, I know how I feel after a wild night, and when you feel like that, its hard to focus on your spiritual life.
Well, then I asked him why their church say that all other churches are an "abomination to God". He said he's never heard that and that they respect all churches. That was a lie, here is why:
My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right—and which I should join. I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight .... He again forbade me to join with any of them (Joseph Smith 2:18-20).
I asked him if he knew what that was about, and he started telling me the story of Joseph Smith. Then when it came to JS seeing God, I told him that's impossible. He asked why, and I said because we learnt in Sunday school that no one can see God. He quoted:
Exodus 33:11 (New International Version)
11 The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.
And then I quoted:
Exodus 33:20 (New International Version)
20 But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."
He then told me that I just wanted to argue and not learn (which is true, because I know more than he does), and then left the conversation.
First off, all of the missionaries I spoke to left the conversation, they also take extremely long to talk to you, and they are rude. And that "click here to talk to someone" is just for people who do not belong to the church, I told the one missionary that I was a member (which is a half truth), and she then replied with a mission statement, and basically told me to leave.
If you tell them that you are a member and you have questions, they direct you to your Bishop or the missionaries in your area. They are not there to help.
So, my anti-Mormon list of Biblical verses grew a bit again. I intend on researching more and more, like above, they use the Bible to try and convince you of their lies, and then it gets contradicted a few verses afterwards. They always say that if someone uses the Bible to say Mormonism isn't true, that people bend the truth, but what the heck are they doing then?
Anyway, last night then. This is a story I want to remember, so, I'm writing it down now.
My parents went to the bushveld for the weekend. I came home from work, and played on the Internet, because none of my friends wanted to go out. Again. My sister then told me that she is going to Hatfield with a friend. Later, I went to sleep, I didn't fall asleep though, I was watching TV. My dad phoned at 02:39 am. He said that he received an emergency text from my sister (it's a company that sets up an emergency contact list, and when you press your emergency number, it notifies everyone on your contact list), and he asked if I knew where she was. I said yes, but I'm not exactly sure where she is, Hatfield is a big, crowded place.
Then, I notified our community security that my sister might be in danger. We have two-way radios in the house to create security for the community, people help out and report suspicious activity. I gave the car registration number, her cellphone number, service provider, and where she might be, what road she could have taken, etc etc. I don't panic in these situations, never have. So, I got into the car to drive to Hatfield, two-way radio in the one hand, cellphone in the other, changing gears, speeding, talking on both devices... I am talented!
My mom and dad were phoning me the whole time, people in the community were looking for more details and answers and trying to report to me, and then there are road signs and traffic to look out for.
I went to Hatfield and was out of the area, so, I couldn't get the reports on the two way-radio anymore, but I did manage to notify the Hatfield police that my sister might be high-jacked or robbed, and they send out a call looking for her car. On the way back, I came back within signal, and the first thing I heard that was that my sister is at home safely. One of the residents were with her, and I thanked all of them for they're quick and effective response. They replied with "this was a really good exercise, thank you for all the correspondence".
The people of the community notified three police districts, they traced her cellphone signal and followed her. When me and my parents tried phoning, her phone just went over to voicemail.
To make matters worse, my dad told me the text could been an hour late because they were in a bad reception area, and then I realised, an hour before they called, some idiot almost drove into our gate and went speeding away, I heard it and saw the lights, but I didn't see the car.
My sister could have been raped, murdered, killed, high-jacked, robbed, etc etc.
What happened? Her drunk friend tried to phone her parents and pressed the emergency button on her phone. Needless to say, my dad is livid.
That's all for now, I'm going to go get dressed and then go out with friends.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Again... The Mormons
Ok, so, my dad told me a few weeks ago that if I slandered the mormon's names again, he'd throw me out of the house. Because they are good people.
I know they're good people, but their still just people. I've met mormons that smoke weed, and one mormon brother asked me if I would give him a rim job, I won't elaborate on that one. Point is, the niceness of mormons is all just an image. They preech about their image in sacrament meeting, gospel principles class, relief society, and then when they talk about other people, they make sure you know how wicked they are by explaining what they dress like and how much tattoos they have, etc.
One mormon once told me that he had two brothers that left the church, and they're skin is much darker than his. Mormon's theory about black people, the curse of Cain thing... Anyway, he continued that both of them are homeless, and they look terrible, and they have darker skin. Mormons have to look good, wear nice clothes, have nice hair, etc. to show how good mormons they are. So, also, the darker your skin is, the less mormon you are. Even the fact that black people are allowed into the mormon church doesn't make a difference. People bare their testimonies saying that black people become lighter after they join the church, so this guy's brothers had the opposite effect after leaving the church. Never mind the fact that the guy's brothers were homeless, standing in the sun, was probably covered in dirt and fungi, and they looked bad because THEY WERE HOMELESS!
Simple things don't make any sense to the Mormons.
After I came back home from the USA, one of my former "brothers" sent me a mail, here's the whole conversation, I changed our names, just for incase...
Mormon:
Hey, how have you been? I heard you didn't believe the church anymore, and was just wondering what happened? I guess I was confused since you'd gotten a witness from the spirit that it was true. Anyway, regardless of that, what have you been up to lately? Did you go back to Africa? I'd love to hear what's going on. Ciao!
Me:
Hi!
I'm back in South Africa. Well I can't believe in the BoM because it contradicts the Bible in too many ways, and the revalations made by the prophets are rediculous.
I don't go to any spicific church anymore, I believe what is said in the Bible, and that is it. No church is going to save me, and no ordinance can give me eternal life.
If I had known that Mormons were preaching Eternal Progression and Exhaltation, I would've laughed the missionaries off. There is one God and one God alone, and never ever will man become a god or an angel.
I am saved by grace, God's eternal mercy. No one on earth desirves what he gives us, and when you believe that you are saved by works, it means that you don't believe in God.
1 John 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
You have been brought up in the Mormon church, and that is all you know. And I can not tell you exactly how I feel, because you won't understand. I can also not tell you what the Bible says, because the Book of Mormon has replaced the Bible in your religion.
Please don't think that I don't like you or any of the people I met, I just don't like the church. It is not God.
Mormon:
Well, I'm glad to hear you're doing well, and am sorry to hear the missionaries didn't explain things well enough to you. Just real quick though, wouldn't eternal progression be a beautiful thing if it were true? That we aren't just here to live and then die, but that through following the commandments God gives us(works), and because Christ died for us(grace), we can return to live with him. By following the Plan of Salvation we can understand what happened before this life, how to be truly happy now, and what we must do to return to live with God.
As for being brought up in the Mormon church, that's true, but I didn't always believe it. It wasn't until I was 16 that I really decided I wanted to know for sure if it was the truth or a lie, and read and prayed about that Book of Mormon. I prayed sincerely like it says, really wanting an answer, and I got one. I felt the greatest love and peace and knew in that moment that there was no way someone with a 3rd grade education could have fabricated the Book of Mormon, and that everything it says is true. I know I received an answer, and even though I sometimes have doubts about other things, it all comes back to that fact: I received an answer, the Book of Mormon is true, and Joseph Smith was a prophet. Far from competing with the Bible, the Book of Mormon is there to supplement it. That's why it's another testament of Jesus Christ. I have found many examples of how they uplift and support one another. Anyway, I'm glad things are going well for you, and glad we can still be friends. Have a great day!
Me:
Hi
My big problem is that Gospel Principles tells us that we can become gods. The Bible clearly states that there is only one God, the alpha and omega, beginning and end, and that there is no god besides God.
I felt "a" spirit too, but I cencerely believe that it was not the Holy Spirit from God.
As for the Book of Mormon being true, you may believe that, I do not. I can not believe that Lehi and his family saw elephants and horses when they arrived in America (North or South). Most LDS believe that they landed in South America. There was no elephants or horses in South America, horses came to SA when the Spanish arrived. There were horses in NA, but still no elephants. The coinage system they talk about and the clothing, like fine silks and metal armor, with metal swords... That also doesn't make sense. If you go and look at what Northern and Southern Americans had as clothing, weapons, and what they used as trade, the Book of Mormon is fiction.
Then, in the Book of Jacob, there is a french word: adieu... I don't believe that Jacob spoke french.
As for Joseph Smith being a prophet, he made prophecies, some did not come true. One was that the end of the world would be in 1891, another one was that there would be a temple in Missouri within Smith's Generation.
"When a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not come about or come true, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken. The prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him," (Deut. 18:20-22).
I am not trying to convince you, just telling you why I don't believe.
Mormon:
You've been reading anti-mormon literature. Pieces of information taken and twisted to deceive. There are prophecies in the bible that didn't come to pass either, because of the wickedness or disbelief of the people, and prophets made mistakes too. Even prophets are still men. Archeologists have found horse fossils in tar pits, elephants are never mentioned in the Book of Mormon, all of these things are what every anti-mormon publication will tell you about. If it's really about French or horses to make the Book of Mormon and Christ's church true or not... does that really seem right? Like you, I'm not trying to convince you, but I would encourage you to try looking at all the things that did come to pass that Joseph Smith said, and that the Book of Mormon and modern prophets and apostles have said, but more than that, the only way to know is get your own answer from God, which 12 million people have done. For me, it's easy to let those things go, because I got my answer, and I know that I wasn't deceived. No false spirit could give me the wonderful feelings I felt when I prayed, nor the guidance that has helped me both on a mission and throughout my life. "By their fruits ye shall know them". I look at the church which bears Christ's name, and all I see is good things. The people aren't perfect, but the gospel is.
Mormon:
Elephants are mentioned in Ether, my bad. :)
Me:
Coins, fine silks, and armor are mentioned all over. It doesn't match the place (America).
They used rock, bone, and wood to make weapons, they didn't wear metal armor, and with clothing... Animal skin, not silks.
As for the rest, we have always been warned not to add or subtract from the Bible.
Here are a few of the examples in the Bible:
Deuteronomy 4:2
Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish [ought] from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
Deuteronomy 12:32
What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it.
Proverbs 30:5-6
Every word of God [is] pure: he [is] a shield unto them that put their trust in him. Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
And here is a part in the Bible that I remember from primary in church, I completely forgot about it, but it made me see the light of God again. I lost it, I lost my faith for a while. Book of mormon was written by Joseph Smith. He saw visions of Christ and God, angels, and dead apostles. The Bible has a clear warning of this:
Galatians 1:6-12
I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any [man] preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught [it], but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.
This makes sense, because the gospel preached to JS and the Jewish Americans, and all the other LDS prophets, were not given to the desciples. Nor did Jesus talk about any of the things that the LDS church teaches, for example, the temples, and the ordinances, word of wisdom, and then Jesus didn't speak of the things that are written in D&C, like polygamist marriages, or that God is flesh and bone, etc etc.
There are many verses that make me believe that the BIBLE is the only doctrine. As for the spirit that I felt, the Bible gave me answers. Because I was confused by this.
Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 1 Timothy 4:1
And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. Matthew 24:11
For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if [it were] possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Matthew 24:24
For such [are] false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:13-14
So, again, I'm not trying to convince you, just my side of the story. Those scriptures from the Bible made me realise that I should not believe in "extra" doctrine, or visions from angels, etc, nor should I trust spirits.
That was the last I heard from him, never again... Last message he sent was on 24th of January, its been almost two weeks, so, I don't think he's going to bother me again, or try to get me to believe their BS. The people over here on the other hand... I don't think they'll give up that easily.
The above conversation was mailed to the bishop that I told I'm an anti-mormon, he asked why? I sent that conversation. That was last night, haven't heard anything from him either. Seems that if you use the Bible to dissaprove the Book of Mormon, they back off. Because they're supposed to be christians, yet they don't believe in the Bible.
Anywoo, more from me later, I'm going to spend some father daughter time now. My daddy is doing construction in my little house, it gets better and better!
I know they're good people, but their still just people. I've met mormons that smoke weed, and one mormon brother asked me if I would give him a rim job, I won't elaborate on that one. Point is, the niceness of mormons is all just an image. They preech about their image in sacrament meeting, gospel principles class, relief society, and then when they talk about other people, they make sure you know how wicked they are by explaining what they dress like and how much tattoos they have, etc.
One mormon once told me that he had two brothers that left the church, and they're skin is much darker than his. Mormon's theory about black people, the curse of Cain thing... Anyway, he continued that both of them are homeless, and they look terrible, and they have darker skin. Mormons have to look good, wear nice clothes, have nice hair, etc. to show how good mormons they are. So, also, the darker your skin is, the less mormon you are. Even the fact that black people are allowed into the mormon church doesn't make a difference. People bare their testimonies saying that black people become lighter after they join the church, so this guy's brothers had the opposite effect after leaving the church. Never mind the fact that the guy's brothers were homeless, standing in the sun, was probably covered in dirt and fungi, and they looked bad because THEY WERE HOMELESS!
Simple things don't make any sense to the Mormons.
After I came back home from the USA, one of my former "brothers" sent me a mail, here's the whole conversation, I changed our names, just for incase...
Mormon:
Hey, how have you been? I heard you didn't believe the church anymore, and was just wondering what happened? I guess I was confused since you'd gotten a witness from the spirit that it was true. Anyway, regardless of that, what have you been up to lately? Did you go back to Africa? I'd love to hear what's going on. Ciao!
Me:
Hi!
I'm back in South Africa. Well I can't believe in the BoM because it contradicts the Bible in too many ways, and the revalations made by the prophets are rediculous.
I don't go to any spicific church anymore, I believe what is said in the Bible, and that is it. No church is going to save me, and no ordinance can give me eternal life.
If I had known that Mormons were preaching Eternal Progression and Exhaltation, I would've laughed the missionaries off. There is one God and one God alone, and never ever will man become a god or an angel.
I am saved by grace, God's eternal mercy. No one on earth desirves what he gives us, and when you believe that you are saved by works, it means that you don't believe in God.
1 John 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
You have been brought up in the Mormon church, and that is all you know. And I can not tell you exactly how I feel, because you won't understand. I can also not tell you what the Bible says, because the Book of Mormon has replaced the Bible in your religion.
Please don't think that I don't like you or any of the people I met, I just don't like the church. It is not God.
Mormon:
Well, I'm glad to hear you're doing well, and am sorry to hear the missionaries didn't explain things well enough to you. Just real quick though, wouldn't eternal progression be a beautiful thing if it were true? That we aren't just here to live and then die, but that through following the commandments God gives us(works), and because Christ died for us(grace), we can return to live with him. By following the Plan of Salvation we can understand what happened before this life, how to be truly happy now, and what we must do to return to live with God.
As for being brought up in the Mormon church, that's true, but I didn't always believe it. It wasn't until I was 16 that I really decided I wanted to know for sure if it was the truth or a lie, and read and prayed about that Book of Mormon. I prayed sincerely like it says, really wanting an answer, and I got one. I felt the greatest love and peace and knew in that moment that there was no way someone with a 3rd grade education could have fabricated the Book of Mormon, and that everything it says is true. I know I received an answer, and even though I sometimes have doubts about other things, it all comes back to that fact: I received an answer, the Book of Mormon is true, and Joseph Smith was a prophet. Far from competing with the Bible, the Book of Mormon is there to supplement it. That's why it's another testament of Jesus Christ. I have found many examples of how they uplift and support one another. Anyway, I'm glad things are going well for you, and glad we can still be friends. Have a great day!
Me:
Hi
My big problem is that Gospel Principles tells us that we can become gods. The Bible clearly states that there is only one God, the alpha and omega, beginning and end, and that there is no god besides God.
I felt "a" spirit too, but I cencerely believe that it was not the Holy Spirit from God.
As for the Book of Mormon being true, you may believe that, I do not. I can not believe that Lehi and his family saw elephants and horses when they arrived in America (North or South). Most LDS believe that they landed in South America. There was no elephants or horses in South America, horses came to SA when the Spanish arrived. There were horses in NA, but still no elephants. The coinage system they talk about and the clothing, like fine silks and metal armor, with metal swords... That also doesn't make sense. If you go and look at what Northern and Southern Americans had as clothing, weapons, and what they used as trade, the Book of Mormon is fiction.
Then, in the Book of Jacob, there is a french word: adieu... I don't believe that Jacob spoke french.
As for Joseph Smith being a prophet, he made prophecies, some did not come true. One was that the end of the world would be in 1891, another one was that there would be a temple in Missouri within Smith's Generation.
"When a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not come about or come true, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken. The prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him," (Deut. 18:20-22).
I am not trying to convince you, just telling you why I don't believe.
Mormon:
You've been reading anti-mormon literature. Pieces of information taken and twisted to deceive. There are prophecies in the bible that didn't come to pass either, because of the wickedness or disbelief of the people, and prophets made mistakes too. Even prophets are still men. Archeologists have found horse fossils in tar pits, elephants are never mentioned in the Book of Mormon, all of these things are what every anti-mormon publication will tell you about. If it's really about French or horses to make the Book of Mormon and Christ's church true or not... does that really seem right? Like you, I'm not trying to convince you, but I would encourage you to try looking at all the things that did come to pass that Joseph Smith said, and that the Book of Mormon and modern prophets and apostles have said, but more than that, the only way to know is get your own answer from God, which 12 million people have done. For me, it's easy to let those things go, because I got my answer, and I know that I wasn't deceived. No false spirit could give me the wonderful feelings I felt when I prayed, nor the guidance that has helped me both on a mission and throughout my life. "By their fruits ye shall know them". I look at the church which bears Christ's name, and all I see is good things. The people aren't perfect, but the gospel is.
Mormon:
Elephants are mentioned in Ether, my bad. :)
Me:
Coins, fine silks, and armor are mentioned all over. It doesn't match the place (America).
They used rock, bone, and wood to make weapons, they didn't wear metal armor, and with clothing... Animal skin, not silks.
As for the rest, we have always been warned not to add or subtract from the Bible.
Here are a few of the examples in the Bible:
Deuteronomy 4:2
Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish [ought] from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
Deuteronomy 12:32
What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it.
Proverbs 30:5-6
Every word of God [is] pure: he [is] a shield unto them that put their trust in him. Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
And here is a part in the Bible that I remember from primary in church, I completely forgot about it, but it made me see the light of God again. I lost it, I lost my faith for a while. Book of mormon was written by Joseph Smith. He saw visions of Christ and God, angels, and dead apostles. The Bible has a clear warning of this:
Galatians 1:6-12
I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any [man] preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught [it], but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.
This makes sense, because the gospel preached to JS and the Jewish Americans, and all the other LDS prophets, were not given to the desciples. Nor did Jesus talk about any of the things that the LDS church teaches, for example, the temples, and the ordinances, word of wisdom, and then Jesus didn't speak of the things that are written in D&C, like polygamist marriages, or that God is flesh and bone, etc etc.
There are many verses that make me believe that the BIBLE is the only doctrine. As for the spirit that I felt, the Bible gave me answers. Because I was confused by this.
Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 1 Timothy 4:1
And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. Matthew 24:11
For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if [it were] possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Matthew 24:24
For such [are] false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:13-14
So, again, I'm not trying to convince you, just my side of the story. Those scriptures from the Bible made me realise that I should not believe in "extra" doctrine, or visions from angels, etc, nor should I trust spirits.
That was the last I heard from him, never again... Last message he sent was on 24th of January, its been almost two weeks, so, I don't think he's going to bother me again, or try to get me to believe their BS. The people over here on the other hand... I don't think they'll give up that easily.
The above conversation was mailed to the bishop that I told I'm an anti-mormon, he asked why? I sent that conversation. That was last night, haven't heard anything from him either. Seems that if you use the Bible to dissaprove the Book of Mormon, they back off. Because they're supposed to be christians, yet they don't believe in the Bible.
Anywoo, more from me later, I'm going to spend some father daughter time now. My daddy is doing construction in my little house, it gets better and better!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
It's not ending soon...
I've always had good luck. Extreme good luck. Even in bad situations, I always come out without a scratch. Normal things happen to me and I get sad, like when my cats or dogs or birds died, or car accidents, or breaking my hand, getting hurt, etc etc. But I've never had something horrible happen to me.
Today feels different. Last night my right ear started hurting, and my jaw, meaning I have an ear infection. I woke up at 3 am this morning, crying of the excruciating pain, like a child. I probably laid in bed crying and saying owwww for 30 minutes, before standing up and realizing no one is there to tend to me. I took painkillers, and saw my parents' bedroom light was on. I went outside (I live in a garden flat) and my mommy opened the gate for me, she heard the tears coming closer.
My dad put ear drops in my ears, and after watching my mom get dressed for work, I passed out in their bed. My dad eventually went to work, I didn't hear a thing, because my bad ear was deaf, and I was sleeping on my good ear. I woke up at 8, just to realize I can't go to the gym, and I had to be at work at 9:20. I also needed to go to the doctor, take a shower, and drive 25 minutes to work.
So, I phoned my second job employer, told her that I have an ear infection or something, I need to go to the doctor, and I do not know what time I can start work. She got angry. I basically sit with her 8 year old girl in the classroom and do speech and occupational therapy, her daughter has fits, and because of it, her muscle tone is terrible, she can not write. She told me to leave it, and that she would talk to me later.
I went to the doctor, I was done at 9:05, I sent the woman a text saying that I'm done, and she sent a text back, saying that she arranged someone else. I went home, and slept some more. I got replaced because I didn't have someone else's child as my first priority. At 13:00 I went to work for the dragon lady, I still need to quit. Oh, and I went to visit my high school friend, and her bf's family, they all work together.
I'm still angry. And now I feel even worse being sick and all, I need to go away.
I feel stupid. I have an infection, I lost my job, and I want to quit my other job. Blah blah blah.
I should go do something interesting.
Today feels different. Last night my right ear started hurting, and my jaw, meaning I have an ear infection. I woke up at 3 am this morning, crying of the excruciating pain, like a child. I probably laid in bed crying and saying owwww for 30 minutes, before standing up and realizing no one is there to tend to me. I took painkillers, and saw my parents' bedroom light was on. I went outside (I live in a garden flat) and my mommy opened the gate for me, she heard the tears coming closer.
My dad put ear drops in my ears, and after watching my mom get dressed for work, I passed out in their bed. My dad eventually went to work, I didn't hear a thing, because my bad ear was deaf, and I was sleeping on my good ear. I woke up at 8, just to realize I can't go to the gym, and I had to be at work at 9:20. I also needed to go to the doctor, take a shower, and drive 25 minutes to work.
So, I phoned my second job employer, told her that I have an ear infection or something, I need to go to the doctor, and I do not know what time I can start work. She got angry. I basically sit with her 8 year old girl in the classroom and do speech and occupational therapy, her daughter has fits, and because of it, her muscle tone is terrible, she can not write. She told me to leave it, and that she would talk to me later.
I went to the doctor, I was done at 9:05, I sent the woman a text saying that I'm done, and she sent a text back, saying that she arranged someone else. I went home, and slept some more. I got replaced because I didn't have someone else's child as my first priority. At 13:00 I went to work for the dragon lady, I still need to quit. Oh, and I went to visit my high school friend, and her bf's family, they all work together.
I'm still angry. And now I feel even worse being sick and all, I need to go away.
I feel stupid. I have an infection, I lost my job, and I want to quit my other job. Blah blah blah.
I should go do something interesting.
Monday, February 1, 2010
My Muse
It's not that short, and everyone knows this one. But this is me in a nutshell:
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Alpha
Right, here I go...
Now, where to start?
The beginning? Too long ago. Hmmmmm. Makes me wonder what I've done in my life. I finished High School, worked as a paintball marshal, worked at a bank, got sick of my dad and South Africa, went to USA as an Au Pair, back home now, and made the same mistake. I'm working for a woman that treats me like a slave, I run HER house, look after HER kids (that was all I was supposed to do), and I'm basically sacrificing myself for her.
If you haven't realised this, I'm mad at myself. Grrrrrrr! OK, this woman,is driving me up the wall, and I partially blame myself. I let her walk over me, so, maybe I should grow a pair... I, as her Au Pair, have organised her telephone lines (3.5 hours in my life I'll never get back), her security system, house keys, cleaning lady recruitment, gardener recruitment, paying bills, mailing her mail, checking her mail, medical appointments, medical appointment for the cleaner, registration, driving the kids, driving the cleaner, grocery shopping, appliance shopping, returning goods, and children's school registration, books, the covering of books, the signing up for extra activities, and yet... She is disappointed. Makes me want to ask why she has a life in the first place, seeing that I'm the one living it!
Anyway, needless to say, I'm quitting.
The good thing in my life right now is that my parents are supporting me, and WOW! Now I feel like a real winner! Well, as gracious as they are, I would love to support myself and be completely independent. My daddy is going to pay for University though, then I can follow in his footsteps, which I actually adore. He is a forensic investigator, but not the CSI kind, the fraud kind. That is exactly what I want to do. I wanted to be a police officer, but here where I live, it's not worth it. Be a defender of the innocent. LOL!
I am starting classes in Forensic Auditing, and Anti-Corruption in a few months, the first time in 5 years I'll be studying, and I can't wait! It's going to be hard work, but extremely interesting and very educating for my future career, wherever that is.
But right now, although I'm back home, it feels like I've lost all my friends. They're all growing up, dating, getting married, having children, moving out of the house, and all of them seem to be bankrupt. They never phone, and when I phone to go out, they don't have money. But never would anyone ask if I want to come have coffee at their house and watch a DVD or have a poker night or just sit and talk about how sad our lives are. I am here, yet I miss my "click".
Then there is always the religious and politician talks I so love. And I'm not being sarcastic, I truly love talking about those two. Well, in my travels in the USA I came upon some Mormons/ LDS-folk. Yes, I am that gullible, and yes, I believed in all that. I actually just received an e-mail from my new Bishop, welcoming me to the community. I replied: "Sorry, I'm an anti-Mormon now". I think I'm so funny when I say things like that, offensive as it is, I'm mad at them.
I do have a lot of issues, and this is a very angry part of my life, but the sun will come out tomorrow... Or the day after that...
Well, I was an Au Pair for a family in Idaho. A Mormon family. At the time I was incredibly desperate to get in touch with God again. They said that they we're Christians, and so, Sunday came and we went to church for THREE HOURS! I was introduced to the missionaries, and for the next 7 weeks, they came every Thursday night, preaching their gospel. I fell for a lot of things, stupid things, Jesus came to America, God and Jesus appeared to Joseph Smith, JS wrote from golden plates, Jewish people went to America, Moroni turned into an angel, and then the temple ordinances and the pre-existence...
I have a lot to say about what I believe in now, and even more in what I do not believe in, or ever will.
I am grateful for the Mormons, I know my Bible better than I ever have.
What was my turning point? Prophecies, false prophecies. After getting baptised into the church, they told me that I know possessed the power to prophesies about me and my family. LOL, if you know how bipolar I really am, you wouldn't say things like that. Prophecies can come to you in a dream. My dreams, 90% of the time, include me killing someone, being killed, hunting someone, being hunted, close friends being killed, family being killed, war, sex, driving fast, being surrounded by people who want to "get me", being trapped, and my favourite part: lots of weapons.
So, if I were to prophesies, it wouldn't end well. The other thing that really tickled my gut was when they said the Holy Spirit can only be in one place at once. To be honest, I felt their spirit, the burning in the bosom, the flame in my heart, the spirit entered me, and I felt its strength. When I found out about the church not being true, I got scared, and as you can see by my dreams (I don't call them nightmares), I don't get scared that often. I felt guilty, misled, and angry. Mostly angry. I went onto the Internet and read and watched as much anti-Mormon documents and videos I could find. Searching for more and more, everyday. I became addicted, and still am, to anti-Mormon doctrine. Funny enough, the most anti-Mormon doctrine is actually Mormon doctrine. I know more than the average Mormon about their own religion, and that should scare the Mormons. If you believe in something that you don't know, what do you believe in? If you believe that a feeling is true, how many times have you been misled?
I hold on to the Bible, which can make me a fool too, but at least the book I hold on to has archaeological, and historical proof. Some things sound extremely weird and make me question my beliefs. Example:
Job 39:9-12 (King James Version)
9Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?
10Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?
11Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him?
12Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn?
Unicorn? I had to do some research, and I got to: http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/aid/v2/n1/unicorns-in-bible
So, again, I believe it... Might be a translation difference, or a lie, but I still believe in the Bible. The Bible talks about dragons and talking snakes, etc. Is it possible? Is it impossible? What criticism is used to define possible? Science? Biology? Archeology? History? Common sense? How do we define a miracle? How is something a miracle, something that shouldn't have happened, or couldn't have, yet it has? I believe in small miracles. As angry and depressed as I am right now, small miracles like happiness don't even make sense to me.
My mom confronted me last week. She said that we needed to have a talk about how disrespectful and unfriendly I am towards people. I stopped her in her first sentence. Told her that I have an anger inside of me, it can come from a lot of places, but it won't go away, I don't know how to get rid of my anger. I've beaten the crap out of my pillows, screamed my lungs out in the car, tried to talk to myself, and I've talked to friends. I have prayed. And yet, I am what I am, I can not change. I do not want to let go of my fighting force inside of me, it gives me motivation and strength, although I let my employer walk all over me, my time, cellphone, car, and money.
Should I be this angry? I can't explain it though.
For now, I need to zzzzzzzzz. I have to go to the gym tomorrow, and then work (my other job), and then the dragon lady awaits. Oh, and then I have my own life, accounts, friendships, family, etc. to worry about. Life is hard.
Now, where to start?
The beginning? Too long ago. Hmmmmm. Makes me wonder what I've done in my life. I finished High School, worked as a paintball marshal, worked at a bank, got sick of my dad and South Africa, went to USA as an Au Pair, back home now, and made the same mistake. I'm working for a woman that treats me like a slave, I run HER house, look after HER kids (that was all I was supposed to do), and I'm basically sacrificing myself for her.
If you haven't realised this, I'm mad at myself. Grrrrrrr! OK, this woman,is driving me up the wall, and I partially blame myself. I let her walk over me, so, maybe I should grow a pair... I, as her Au Pair, have organised her telephone lines (3.5 hours in my life I'll never get back), her security system, house keys, cleaning lady recruitment, gardener recruitment, paying bills, mailing her mail, checking her mail, medical appointments, medical appointment for the cleaner, registration, driving the kids, driving the cleaner, grocery shopping, appliance shopping, returning goods, and children's school registration, books, the covering of books, the signing up for extra activities, and yet... She is disappointed. Makes me want to ask why she has a life in the first place, seeing that I'm the one living it!
Anyway, needless to say, I'm quitting.
The good thing in my life right now is that my parents are supporting me, and WOW! Now I feel like a real winner! Well, as gracious as they are, I would love to support myself and be completely independent. My daddy is going to pay for University though, then I can follow in his footsteps, which I actually adore. He is a forensic investigator, but not the CSI kind, the fraud kind. That is exactly what I want to do. I wanted to be a police officer, but here where I live, it's not worth it. Be a defender of the innocent. LOL!
I am starting classes in Forensic Auditing, and Anti-Corruption in a few months, the first time in 5 years I'll be studying, and I can't wait! It's going to be hard work, but extremely interesting and very educating for my future career, wherever that is.
But right now, although I'm back home, it feels like I've lost all my friends. They're all growing up, dating, getting married, having children, moving out of the house, and all of them seem to be bankrupt. They never phone, and when I phone to go out, they don't have money. But never would anyone ask if I want to come have coffee at their house and watch a DVD or have a poker night or just sit and talk about how sad our lives are. I am here, yet I miss my "click".
Then there is always the religious and politician talks I so love. And I'm not being sarcastic, I truly love talking about those two. Well, in my travels in the USA I came upon some Mormons/ LDS-folk. Yes, I am that gullible, and yes, I believed in all that. I actually just received an e-mail from my new Bishop, welcoming me to the community. I replied: "Sorry, I'm an anti-Mormon now". I think I'm so funny when I say things like that, offensive as it is, I'm mad at them.
I do have a lot of issues, and this is a very angry part of my life, but the sun will come out tomorrow... Or the day after that...
Well, I was an Au Pair for a family in Idaho. A Mormon family. At the time I was incredibly desperate to get in touch with God again. They said that they we're Christians, and so, Sunday came and we went to church for THREE HOURS! I was introduced to the missionaries, and for the next 7 weeks, they came every Thursday night, preaching their gospel. I fell for a lot of things, stupid things, Jesus came to America, God and Jesus appeared to Joseph Smith, JS wrote from golden plates, Jewish people went to America, Moroni turned into an angel, and then the temple ordinances and the pre-existence...
I have a lot to say about what I believe in now, and even more in what I do not believe in, or ever will.
I am grateful for the Mormons, I know my Bible better than I ever have.
What was my turning point? Prophecies, false prophecies. After getting baptised into the church, they told me that I know possessed the power to prophesies about me and my family. LOL, if you know how bipolar I really am, you wouldn't say things like that. Prophecies can come to you in a dream. My dreams, 90% of the time, include me killing someone, being killed, hunting someone, being hunted, close friends being killed, family being killed, war, sex, driving fast, being surrounded by people who want to "get me", being trapped, and my favourite part: lots of weapons.
So, if I were to prophesies, it wouldn't end well. The other thing that really tickled my gut was when they said the Holy Spirit can only be in one place at once. To be honest, I felt their spirit, the burning in the bosom, the flame in my heart, the spirit entered me, and I felt its strength. When I found out about the church not being true, I got scared, and as you can see by my dreams (I don't call them nightmares), I don't get scared that often. I felt guilty, misled, and angry. Mostly angry. I went onto the Internet and read and watched as much anti-Mormon documents and videos I could find. Searching for more and more, everyday. I became addicted, and still am, to anti-Mormon doctrine. Funny enough, the most anti-Mormon doctrine is actually Mormon doctrine. I know more than the average Mormon about their own religion, and that should scare the Mormons. If you believe in something that you don't know, what do you believe in? If you believe that a feeling is true, how many times have you been misled?
I hold on to the Bible, which can make me a fool too, but at least the book I hold on to has archaeological, and historical proof. Some things sound extremely weird and make me question my beliefs. Example:
Job 39:9-12 (King James Version)
9Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?
10Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?
11Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him?
12Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn?
Unicorn? I had to do some research, and I got to: http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/aid/v2/n1/unicorns-in-bible
So, again, I believe it... Might be a translation difference, or a lie, but I still believe in the Bible. The Bible talks about dragons and talking snakes, etc. Is it possible? Is it impossible? What criticism is used to define possible? Science? Biology? Archeology? History? Common sense? How do we define a miracle? How is something a miracle, something that shouldn't have happened, or couldn't have, yet it has? I believe in small miracles. As angry and depressed as I am right now, small miracles like happiness don't even make sense to me.
My mom confronted me last week. She said that we needed to have a talk about how disrespectful and unfriendly I am towards people. I stopped her in her first sentence. Told her that I have an anger inside of me, it can come from a lot of places, but it won't go away, I don't know how to get rid of my anger. I've beaten the crap out of my pillows, screamed my lungs out in the car, tried to talk to myself, and I've talked to friends. I have prayed. And yet, I am what I am, I can not change. I do not want to let go of my fighting force inside of me, it gives me motivation and strength, although I let my employer walk all over me, my time, cellphone, car, and money.
Should I be this angry? I can't explain it though.
For now, I need to zzzzzzzzz. I have to go to the gym tomorrow, and then work (my other job), and then the dragon lady awaits. Oh, and then I have my own life, accounts, friendships, family, etc. to worry about. Life is hard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)