After Saturday night, I started reflecting on this game. It had become too much for me, and I can't handle it. Drinking these days makes me depressed. Its become a real downer, and I always end up crying in the shower.
Reflecting on all the years of drinking made me realize that I really don't need it. It caused fights between my dad and I, it made me into a real slut, and it took away loads of my morals. Not that I have much morals to live on, but I regret a lot of the things that I've done.
For one, sleeping with guys that I actually don't like very much. And then, when I get drunk, I pursue that same path, with the same guys, and I ended up stalking a few of them.
It takes a big girl to realize what she is, and admitting it.
Secondly, I have done this a few times, and I do believe that it is one of my more brilliant inventions, but I shouldn't have been in the situations in the first place. Well, so what happens, is a guy likes me. I don't like him. He buys me drinks, and I take him home. Then, realizing my mistake, I would go into the bathroom and pretend to throw up, because no guy in his right mind is going to kiss a girl when she tastes like barf, right? Wrong. Then I usually move to plan B. Pretend to be asleep. That also doesn't always work. Lastly, there is plan C. Plan C is probably the worst one. You "wake up" and pretend that you just sobered up, and then start asking: "What happened?", "How did you get here?", "You should go...".
I also have the tendency to laugh at guys that try to kiss me, or if they have a small *cough*. That usually ends up in hatred, and confusion, from their side anyway, it just amuses me.
I don't get hangovers or really feel bad the next day, except if I did something stupid. I usually just smoked too much, or I wake up drunk. And I don't like that either. Don't get me wrong, I have some awesome stories about when I was drunk, but Saturday night opened my eyes...
That's the photo I saw the next day, didn't even remember most of that night... It looks better now, but still not good...
So, yeah. This is a chapter in my life that I'm closing right now.
Its a miracle that I haven't killed myself or been in a car accident, and I'd rather prevent it.
Although my self-image is quite low at the moment, I love myself too much to be wasting time with strangers and putting my life in danger.
Not just that, I am really getting focused on my health and fitness right now, I don't need more worries.
As I always say, cut your losses and move on.
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