The Center Of All Things

This is taken from a video that The Thinking Atheist made on Youtube called "The center of all things", which is an homage to Carl Sagan's "Pale Blue Dot," this video explores humankind's place in the cosmos:

Imagine.

Imagine what it was like for those who came before us, at the dawn of humankind.

When the earth was flat, when the moon and sun where our mother and father, and when the stars where only pinholes in the curtain in the sky.



When we drew our history with primitive pictures, when we fashioned our shelters inside the the cold rock of the landscape.



When a long life was 30 years...

When everything we saw, was a sign... When a flash from the sky meant that God was angry, when the earth shook, the spirits where displeased. The flood waters came, and we begged for forgiveness, the volcano erupted, and we appeased it with sacrifices.



We suffered sickness and disease, and we called it a curse. When loved ones perished, and we called it judgement.



Everything was beyond our understanding... Mysterious, strange, wondrous, terrifying, unknown...



Yet, somehow we believed that we were the center of all things...

And then, we began to see our own world with new eyes. The moon was a place we would one day visit, and leave our footprints in the dust. The sun was a brilliant cascade of helium and hydrogen. A star... A single solitary star, among billions of other stars, inside a single galaxy, alongside hundreds of billions of other galaxies, in a universe born billions of years before us...



The tempests above us, the fire beneath us... They became explainable, measurable, often foreseeable.



Our crude illustrations gave way to rich expressions of picture and verse, that ignited the imagination.



We build our shelters from wood, mortar, glass, and steel.



We discovered living worlds beyond the naked eye, and we inhabited that world to understand and begin to conquer sickness and disease. We began to unlock the code of our very being and discover the bond between all living things.



We celebrated long lives of over a hundred years.



Our age is a new age of enlightenment. At this very moment, humankind is beginning to grow beyond the childish figures of its infancy. To refuse to be satisfied with unanswered questions. To acknowledge the universe a universe, much grander and more wonderful than the superstitions of our ancestors would ever allow. And to understand that even though we occupy a tiny planet inside a vast universe, we are still part of it. We are growing, we are learning, we are achieving, we are evolving. To finally understand that we are not the center of all things.

If we long for our planet to be important, there is something we can do about it. We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers. - Carl Sagan

Happy 100th!

I actually wanted to call this blog post "Closing a Chapter", but I'll get to that later. First off, Happy 100th blog post to me! *And the crowd goes wild!*



Well then... Now that business has been dealt with, let's get to the blog.

Its only June now, but it feels that this year is taking years. Mainly because I have been working on myself, I am going towards the future, and I am completely over my past.

Before I start confessing, please bare in mind that I am extremely naive, and well, dumb as shit sometimes.

In 2001 I met my first love. We we're each other's firsts in everything, except for kissing on my side. I have mentioned him in quite a few blogs, but never really the details of this forbidden relationship.

Our parents banned us from seeing each other, because we were bad influences on each other. Now, back then I thought my dad was bat shit crazy for believing this, but now, 11 years later, I'm a believer.

I used to sneak out of the house about three or four times a week, just to sneak into his house and spend a few hours with him. This is probably the reason why I wasn't a straight A student. I never slept! And maybe the fact that I am way to lazy to actually study.

Risking my life to go to his house in the middle of the night, and then walking back, I actually shutter to think what could have happened. But, I am extremely lucky in life, not love though.

He got a new girlfriend in 2005, my final year of high school. Whenever him and the woman, now wife, had a fight, I was back in his life. As soon as things got better between them, I was "clingy", along with "it didn't mean anything to me" and "I never liked you that much anyway".

Needless to say, I bumped my head on that rock a few hundred times, because I believed in miracles... Since he came along... That sexy thing...

Stop singing.

Then I went to the USA, I thought I was over him, but no... I came back after 16 months and my childlike mentality went back to true love and kissing a frog or sleeping in a tall tall tower or something. And there I was, back to square one. Back to checking my phone every hour to see if he needed me. Manipulating him. Asking him over and over and over "Do you love me?" He eventually caved in and started talking about moving in together, ignoring our parents requests, and our parents too, because both of our parents would have killed us and hid the evidence or hired someone to do it. Well, as you can guess, he started with his old tricks too. He kicked his wife out of the house, I got a set of house keys, and then one day that big old emotion security walls come back up and took the keys back. Oh, the kicker, "she said she loved me". But, last year, they slept together once, and then she moved into the spare bedroom. I asked him about the affection behind the words. Did she touch his hand or arm? Did she hug him? Did she kiss him? Answer is D, none of the above.

I know I can be heartless, but if I'm going to tell my husband that I want him back and that I love him, I would most probably sleep with him. You know, the old tale of make up sex.

Hate to say I told him so, but I basically screamed at him. He was an idiot! What the feathers was he thinking?

My reasons for screaming is justified. She bullied him into marrying her, he is easily manipulated. She also cheats on him constantly, and the facts are, she had an affair with someone at work, she is constantly on chat sites and internet dating services, and to keep up with all the men, she has EIGHT cell phone contracts, and uses EIGHT cell phones everyday. Now, if any men are reading this, women can do more than one thing at a time. Me being jealous also might have played a role in the argument. And then lastly, I am not making this stuff up, he is sterile. Yet, she gave birth to a boy. My ex love went for fertility treatments for two years, and the doctors still say that he shoots blanks.

So, I was out of the picture again, until a few weeks ago when I was on holiday in the bush. He phoned me and demanded me to go to the dam. But, alas, it was a two hour drive and he phoned me at 23:00. Hell will freeze over before I jump that high for any man. So, I told him I was coming back in two days time, and we should go out. I eventually went home, called him up, and he couldn't go, because his wife was home.

So, again, I freaked out a tad. I have been jumping for that guy for ELEVEN years now. Jumping, bending, lying, crying, stalking, phoning, remembering, and loving this guy for ELEVEN years. And it didn't mean anything to him, because he is an alcoholic, and he was drunk every time that I sneaked out to his house. He only remembers about ten times that I sneaked out to his house. TEN! Meanwhile, back on planet earth, I did it for three years, as much as I possibly could. If you don't know or remember something, it doesn't mean anything.

I told him "Delete my number. Have a good night".

Fast forward to a few hours ago. I get a phone call from him. He kicked his wife out of the house, because she is pregnant again, and they haven't slept together since before she moved back home last year. To be accurate, they haven't slept together in a year and a half. The same thing happened to him with the first pregnancy.

So, although I've already closed this chapter in my life, I wanted to make sure. I had to know if I made the right choice. The "what if?" was bothering me since I told him to delete my number.

I went there tonight, I wasn't excited to see him. I talked to him, but in the same way I talk to guys that like me, and I don't like them back. We talked about ourselves, things we've seen, experienced since last year. I couldn't be there. I just wanted to leave. But I had to tell him. I really had to tell him. He waited to long for me, and I don't feel anything for him anymore. And I broke his heart.

He still feels something for me. But I don't want it.

Rewind to last time again, when I was in the bush. I told him that I was happy his wife doesn't love him, she loves someone else, and nothing he does or says will make her change her mind. When you do everything for a person, and that person is your everything, and all your love goes to that person, and whatever you do in your life, you do for that person, and it doesn't mean anything to that person... That was me. And now its him. And I am happy that he gets to be in my shoes, and feel how lonely and helpless I was when he left me for her.

I didn't deserve it.

He wasn't meant for me. He was meant for someone else. I was meant for someone else.

I deserve better.

At his house tonight, he kept on asking me just to lie with him, he wanted someone to hold. Well, that's why I fake vomiting to get rid of guys. I said no. Then I said no again. Then I raised my voice. Then, I turned around, packed up my handbag, went to the loo, and got my stuff into the car. I went back to get him to open the gate, and there he was, cuddled into his bed, the way I liked him most... Cuddling was our thing. He was begging me to stay, just lie for a bit, or sleep over. I got sick of it, I told him to get his shit together, stand up, and open the fucking gate. I know desperation when I see it. That was me. I couldn't tell the difference between his present and my past.

I hugged him and said good night.

I always end with "See you!", but not this time. I won't see him again.

I drove home, and as fate would have it, a sad song played. Not just any sad song...

Here's the lyrics:

When your day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go
Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand. Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Hold on, hold on)

Everybody hurts
You are not alone

And then I surprised myself. I laughed, as I sang along, smiling all the way, I was relieved. I was happy. But not any happy, like, inner peace happy. It took me ELEVEN years to say no. It took me ELEVEN years to look at myself in the mirror and realize that I am a broken person, and I need glue. I don't need another broken person, we're just going to break each other more. I need glue. Actually, I need to become glue, and find another glue, and stick together.

I am trying.

I want to be better.

I'm not bad, but I'm not great.

Monday is the start of my 12 week diet plan, and my 9 week exercise plan. And I really want to start a company.

I am lifting my chin, pushing out my chest, pulling in my stomach, and marching right towards my happiness.

I think this every year, but this year I know for a fact, I am changing for good, and this is the year to remember.

Oh, one last thing... 2012 as in 20/12/2012... This is the last year for the next 83 years that we will have numbers of the year and month/day being the same.

MAKE IT COUNT!

Xandre

My pregnant friend's baby boy, Xandre, was born today.

Finally, my Halloween baby is here!

I am extremely proud of my friend, he looks all frowned up and confused, but he is pretty. Its just sad that I had to work today and couldn't be in the waiting room.

Just hold thumbs, I want to be the godmother!!!
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Drinking Memoirs

I started binge drinking at the age of 16. It was all fun and games back then, 9 years ago the game was called "drink yourself dumb".

After Saturday night, I started reflecting on this game. It had become too much for me, and I can't handle it. Drinking these days makes me depressed. Its become a real downer, and I always end up crying in the shower.

Reflecting on all the years of drinking made me realize that I really don't need it. It caused fights between my dad and I, it made me into a real slut, and it took away loads of my morals. Not that I have much morals to live on, but I regret a lot of the things that I've done.



For one, sleeping with guys that I actually don't like very much. And then, when I get drunk, I pursue that same path, with the same guys, and I ended up stalking a few of them.

It takes a big girl to realize what she is, and admitting it.

Secondly, I have done this a few times, and I do believe that it is one of my more brilliant inventions, but I shouldn't have been in the situations in the first place. Well, so what happens, is a guy likes me. I don't like him. He buys me drinks, and I take him home. Then, realizing my mistake, I would go into the bathroom and pretend to throw up, because no guy in his right mind is going to kiss a girl when she tastes like barf, right? Wrong. Then I usually move to plan B. Pretend to be asleep. That also doesn't always work. Lastly, there is plan C. Plan C is probably the worst one. You "wake up" and pretend that you just sobered up, and then start asking: "What happened?", "How did you get here?", "You should go...".

I also have the tendency to laugh at guys that try to kiss me, or if they have a small *cough*. That usually ends up in hatred, and confusion, from their side anyway, it just amuses me.

I don't get hangovers or really feel bad the next day, except if I did something stupid. I usually just smoked too much, or I wake up drunk. And I don't like that either. Don't get me wrong, I have some awesome stories about when I was drunk, but Saturday night opened my eyes...



That's the photo I saw the next day, didn't even remember most of that night... It looks better now, but still not good...



So, yeah. This is a chapter in my life that I'm closing right now.

Its a miracle that I haven't killed myself or been in a car accident, and I'd rather prevent it.

Although my self-image is quite low at the moment, I love myself too much to be wasting time with strangers and putting my life in danger.

Not just that, I am really getting focused on my health and fitness right now, I don't need more worries.

As I always say, cut your losses and move on.

Resistance training

I just had to blog about my experience tonight. It's all about resistance training, as the title suggests.

To normal people, resistance training looks like this:



My experience is somewhat different. I started walking and jogging this week, and well, tonight after almost killing myself with the use of my shoes, I decided to go for a cool down walk with my sister's dog.

This is Bruno:



And then he grew up to be...



Now, just to get it straight, and I know you saw this coming, he took me for a walk. Resistance training now consist of trying to control a dog that chooses the speed and direction of your walks.

At one stage I had to resist by forming a triangle with Bruno, the choke chain, and myself, on the edge of the sidewalk, to keep from making the mistake the little girl in the Youtube video "Go BWAH" made.

It felt like I was abseiling, without the ropes and the height, but I was leveling out towards the evil paved road that could have cost a lot of damage for my not-so-superwoman body.

The rest of the walk, as I remember it, looked quite similar to this:



So here's a tip to everyone who needs exercise... Take the dog... Not the treadmill or the bicycle, the biggest, most adventurous, most curious, and most stubborn dog you can find, and start burning that fat away...

Just don't go BWAH!

Saving a life

I donated blood today, the second time this year. Two more times before I get my blanket. I got a cooler bag last year. I love donating blood, although the nurses hate me, they can never find the vein. I sat for about 5 minutes today, with the needle stuck in me, no blood flow, until I moved my arm, I donated pretty fast today compared to other days.



My blood pressure was 120/60 today, the "60" is a bit low. I finally found out what blood pressure is today.

The "120" is the "power" your heart gives to pump blood, and the "60" is the resting rate of the heart, so, my heart rests too much. Its probably because I'm unfit...

Just a bit of useless information...

Couch to 5k - 9 Week plan to get running fit

This is my new challenge, and it's not that hard... I don't like my bike, but I do have an elliptical machine.

Wish me luck! I start today!

Vampire skeletons unearthed in Bulgaria

I found this article, and found it necessary to share it with the world:

'VAMPIRE' SKELETONS UNEARTHED IN BULGARIA
ABC
June 6, 2012, 6:31 am
Archaeologists in Bulgaria have unearthed two medieval skeletons pierced through the chest with iron rods to keep them from turning into vampires, the head of the country's history museum said.

According to pagan beliefs, people who were considered bad during their lifetimes might turn into vampires after death unless stabbed in the chest with an iron or wooden rod before being buried.

"These two skeletons stabbed with rods illustrate a practice which was common in some Bulgarian villages up until the first decade of the 20th century," national history museum chief Bozhidar Dimitrov said after the recent find in the Black Sea town of Sozopol.



People believed the rod would also pin the dead into their graves to prevent them from leaving at midnight and terrorising the living, the historian explained.

The practice was common, Professor Dimitrov added, saying some 100 similar burials had already been found in Bulgaria.

Archaeologist Petar Balabanov, who in 2004 unearthed six nailed-down skeletons at a site near the eastern town of Debelt, said the pagan rite was also practiced in neighbouring Serbia and other Balkan countries.

Vampire legends are widespread across the Balkans.

The most famous is that of Romanian count Vlad the Impaler, known as Dracula, who staked his war enemies and drank their blood.

My Halloween Baby

It was my pregnant friend's baby shower this weekend, and I must say, I think that I am more excited than she is. The reason being, some awesome woman bought her baby boy a Halloween costume. No. TWO!

Here is the one:



The other one is a teddy bear costume. And just in time. The baby boy is due in a month, Halloween is due in just under three months!

I am going to have a barbecue with the baby, just to get us two dressed up!

And the photos will go into his baby album. First Halloween!

I'm so excited!
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Only in South Africa

Well, this makes as much sense as the rest of our country...



Was R9.99, NOW R9.99!!!
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