Poppy is a people-pleaser, as am I, and she tries to solve everyone's problems, and by solving problems she places herself in some difficult situations.
I do that too, and I'm glad I saw the movie, because it made me think...
I listened to the radio last night driving home from work, and the girl talking was going on about how she won't be a good Samaritan anymore. She gave money to a homeless woman and got a snotty "oh, thanks". And then, a few hours later my friend phoned me, his car got towed, I drove in to him in the early morning hours to pay the fine and get his car from the impound lot.
I am a people-pleaser, not that much a good Samaritan. I don't help the homeless, I don't give money to beggars, in fact I despise beggars, and I don't give money to the church, I think its a waste anyway. I do donate money to Helping Hands every month though, a debit order goes off my bank account. (http://www.helpendehand.co.za/)
And I like the way I am, and just as in the movie with Poppy, it frustrates me when you're trying to make someone smile, or just be a bit cheerful and get out of the "dark side", and they ignore you or keep on being negative. The people where I work is the exact example, and you know what, I am extremely grateful that I'm not that negative all the time. I know some of my blog contradict that statement, but really, overall I am happy.
I'm so glad, and grateful, that I have an interview this week. I can not wait, and yet, I just bit off all my fingernails. Bitter sweet.
And then, just now, I found something interesting:
People Pleasing and Love Addiction
by George Hartwell M.Sc. of www.HealMyLife.com
People Pleasing is a powerful web of childhood experiences, beliefs, and painful feelings that result in this meta-strategy to gain love, secure belonging, a safe home base. With such a firm foundation in the experiences of childhood this choice, this compulsion, this mind-set of earning love becomes solid as rock and impossible to stop.
Based on this decision, belief, experience and perception of life that one's caretakers are not going to provide unconditional love, a child devises people pleasing strategies to earn love. These earning love strategies might include: perfectionism, doing what is right, always being good, never giving offense, not expressing anger, working hard, and seeking measurable achievement including Type A behaviour pattern associated with heart attack.
Taken to extremes the child, and later the adult, becomes competative for love and begins to put down rivals for love which can solidify into the ugly habit of religious or non-religious self-righteousness. Do you know anyone who counters any good report about yourself or you children with an example from his or her life or family? Annoying, isn't it? That is competative People Pleasing.
Love Addiction and People Pleasing
Addictions and addictive behaviours are maintained, sustained and rewarded by escape from pain. The pain in People Pleasing is the sinking feelings that I did something wrong and will not be loved as a result. In fact there is a whole set of beliefs and associtated negative feelings called "The Pit" (my term) that anyone would want to escape.
Are you a People Pleaser? Do you find that when you experience criticism, failure, or confrontation you over-react. All of a sudden you are angry or depressed. Your response seems way out proportion to the event.
Here is what has happened. Your worse fears and most painful negative beliefs have just been triggered. You just dropped into "The Pit."
Down in the pits, you experience extremely negative beliefs and very painful feelings. (These feelings are stored in the memory bank of the Limbic System or Emotional Brain.)
The Pit is a painful, adverse, frightening, depressing experience that anyone would want to escape. Your dysfunctional way to escape (to assure safety, security and love) is people pleasing. This program is by now second nature. You used it in childhood to gain mother or father's approval and, by now, it is a longstanding way of life - a personality pattern. But now it fuels love addiction.
Gaining the prize - avoiding the pit and feeling in control by following the program - is enough to reward love addiction. The Pit is a painful; the people pleasing program provides relief. Following the program is rewarded by avoiding rejection and gaining praise and affection. This creates the Love Addiction cycle.
So, apparently I have another mental illness. I don't think its a bad thing to want to make people around you happy as long as you stay with my rule "cut your losses". I have given up on my dad because there is just no pleasing him. I love pleasing my mom. My sister, see dad.
I make people happy that make me happy.
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